April for Team Austin

It's been a while, let's make a Catalog of life.

The last few months have been a swing down and then back up.  Tyler was having some trouble in school, in the way that kids his age usually do.  He was hitting other kids and not listening well, and so we met with the teachers to see what we could do about it.  We ended up trying a lot of things, and some combination worked.  Jess spent some time with him in his classroom, we started a chart of good behavior at home that he could use to get Ice Cream on Fridays, and one of the kids that we knew he was having trouble with ended up leaving the class.  Something in there helped him out enough that we have not been having nearly so many problems now.  He still loses control occasionally, but not too often.  And at his age, that's kinda expected.  They don't have the neurology to evaluate and hold back an impulse.  He's just not set up for it.  It would be like expecting him to run a 5k with me.  He's just not equipped for it yet.  But he's getting better day by day.

In August he heads off to PUBLIC SCHOOL.  I'm reserving judgement until I see what it's like.  I have a little bit of optimism just because he'll be starting with a few friends he knows from the street, and hopefully that will help him put it in a positive light.  But I've heard from parents that have had good experiences with public schools and parents that have had terrible experiences with public schools.  It depends a lot on the school, and the district, and especially the teacher.  We'll see how he does, and adjust accordingly.  That's right, we don't have a plan. We're winging it.  That's what parents do.  They just make it seem like it's part of the plan with their steady voice and noble bearing.  We're panicking inside.

Casey is super cute.  She's rounded the corner on Talking and is now interested in parroting a lot of words and picking up new ones as quick as she can.  She's even put together a few ideas of her own from different words she knows.  She'll probably be an author.  She likes to sing, too.  We do a pretty adorable rendition of "little boxes".  I should record it.

Oh, Mom and Dad got me an Audio Interface for Christmas which allows me to use my fancy microphones to record the kids.  I have done so to catalog how goddamn adorable their voices are.  I should post up some stuff in podcast form.  The audio quality is really nice.

This has also allowed me to start doing "Let's Play" videos with Tyler.  I edit them down a bit to just the funny parts, and I do it all in Microsoft Movie Maker (Super low-level stuff) so it's not like I'm planning to burn up the Internet with my new hilarious Content.  At least, not right away.  But it does make me pretty cool that I can record Mincraft Let's Plays with my kid.  I'm a cool dad.

Jess and I hit a rough patch for a while, but we're getting better.  I want to have a record of when it happened for to remind myself later.

Jessie's mom lives in Austin now?  I guess I don't know when I wrote the last one of these, but having her around for babysitting has been great.  Jess and I go out for a lot more dates.  We've even been going out to Adult Skate at playland Skate Center.  I'm getting pretty good.  It's great exercise, too.

On Friday I take Tyler to his first Martial Arts class.  It starts out very introductory.  Next week we can start attending classes.  We'll see how it goes.  I'm excited for the exercise as well as doing something fun with Tyler.  He tends to not want to try new stuff, though, so it will be an experiment for both of us.  Oh, and I'm taking the class too.  I'm not missing the opportunity to break stuff with my super strong hands.

Tyler had his birthday, so he's 5.  Casey will turn 2 soon.  I have been a parent for 5 years.  College didn't take this long.

I'm working on painting a big diorama for ReaperCon this year.  Which is in October, and that's good, since I'll be painting this thing for a long, long time.

And now it's late and I want to go to bed.  So good night, see everyone in another few months.

-N

Biannual Blogging

Things kinda fell apart there for a while for me. I've been doting around with various forms of antidepressants for a while and without entirely noticing it I had fallen back pretty hard with my attempted solution. It's meant something of a personal reset, but I think I'm doing better now, and Jessie agrees.

I'm much less busy now. I don't run as often or as long, and I haven't touched my VR project in a couple of months. It's intentional. I wanted to spend some time just relaxing with my free time and seeing what that did for me, instead of turning every moment of the day into currency to be spent against future happiness. Current happiness has some value too. So for the last few months I've just been playing video games in the evening. Because I want to. I don't have to do job hunting or skill developing or anything else I don't want to do. I just pick something I enjoy and I'm doing that for a while. It's gone well.

I'm back on antidepressants as well, and it's helping. The side effects aren't as bad as the symptoms they help with, so there's no reason to complain. It does seem to make everything just a little bit easier to process, a little less of a burden. I like that.

Hobbies...I'm trying them out slowly. I'm less interested in finding some activity that will bring me some measure of bliss I'm just...trying stuff. I'm taking a portrait drawing class. It's all right. It's not making me think I need to get seriously into portraiture, but I like taking it. After the class is over, maybe I'll take another. Or maybe I'll try something else. I'm trying not to be so damn intense about it.

Work...I dunno, man. I still don't like it at all, but I'm trying to complain about it less. They pay me a lot of money, I try to focus on that. I'll work on things in bits and pieces and see what I can do with my career, but it's not worth wrecking myself over. Nothing is.

Fran lives here now. We bought a condo for her and helped her move over from Florida. It's great to have the help. We get to go out on date nights and she helps with chores, and when the kids get into regular school, critically, she'll help to pick them up. It's expensive, and our finances have taken enough of a hit that I'm eying our budget more carefully. Date night is a nice perk though.

To the kids: Tyler continues to improve his attitude in fits and starts. He got really angry a lot for a while there, but has gotten better at managing his anger. Growing older helps, as does a buffet of other things we have tried, I assume. Also moving up into the next class where there is more to do and more to challenge him. His reading is definitely coming along. Every time he reads me a book he gets a piece of chocolate. I'm willing to keep this up indefinitely if needed. He has been carrying a big plastic t-rex around with him lately. He asked if the t-rex could sit at the dinner table with us today. I said yes, and the t-rex was quite well behaved. Also Tyler ate two bowls of Squash soup, which is nice.

We have started to play some video games together, too. He likes to play minecraft and to explore and jump into lava. He gets a really big smile when I let him be in control and he walks us forward into a pit of lava and we lose all our stuff. I don't mind, it's a big smile.

Casey is a full-on Toddler now. She walks around a lot, and even likes to walk instead of being carried sometimes (because that's what her big brother is doing.) She is starting to talk more and more:

PPPPPPtttt = Please

Peessssss = Please also, but with Less spitting. I try to encourage this one

Ma-Me Ma-Me = Give me that!

Raaar = The sound that lions and Bears and Dinosaurs make

“I know” = What daddy says to her when she is fussy, and what she says in response

She's a pretty champion Babbler. She likes to hold books and make lots of sounds at you, which is what she assumes you are doing when you read a book to her. She also gives kisses and hugs and nuzzles on command, and likes to wave hello and bye-bye to strangers, which is the cutest goddamn thing in the world. Also she wears pigtails sometimes which are so cute they should be illegal. She's flipped over to liking mommy more now, which does happen with kids, but it was nice when she thought I was the best. I'm sure she'll be back eventually.

Micronews:

I've started eating Soylent for Breakfast and lunch. Being as I have been eating the same thing for breakfast and the same thing (nearly) for lunch every day for the past decade or more, it's not a huge adjustment.

We lost a set of keys, and getting car keys replaced is real damn expensive.

Jess may get Lasic!

Next blog should be in 2016 sometime...

-N

An entry from Texas

Yes, I know, I'm staggeringly infrequent, but I'm busy as hell. You have no idea. Between work, kids, exercise, and learning how to do VR stuff, I have no time left to just relax. Blogging is, as you can imagine, pretty far down on the list, but I like having these to look back on, especially as the kids grow up.

Tyler, first, has turned 4. He's growing bigger all the time, asking more questions (and more questions that make sense) and is generally more pleasant than he was at three. This doesn't mean he's not still a complete monster at times. (Like today, for example). But the trendline is going up, which is good. He's starting to read basic books, which is nice. He's hard to motivate, though. If he doesn't know he likes something, he's loathe to try it. Reading, therefore, is mostly a function of figuring out how to motivate him to want to try something new. He does it little bits at a time, though, and we have a lot of time to continue raising him, so I think odds are good he'll get it down eventually. Especially when he figures out that reading is the key to figuring out how to play video games. I think that will help a lot.

Casey is growing up fast too. This week, in fact, she's starting her transition up to her toddler class! It's sort of a baby+ class, actually, she only has 5 kids in her class, and they are all kids that have moved up over the past couple of weeks, so the fact that none of them can really walk means it's not a full on toddler class. But, critically, this does mean our day care bill goes down a little bit, which is nice. This also means, potentially, that we have passed the maximum amount we will ever have to pay for day care. (Unless you count college as day care, which might be a fair assessment.)

Her first birthday party up in Washington was very nice, and we all got together for an impromptu Preecs family reunion. She had a blast eating through her cake (she went at it with a lot more gusto than Tyler did) and was very smiley at everyone. She's a quite smiley lady.

Her molars are finally coming in, and she isn't happy about it at all. Luckily her pacifier does a good job of soothing her past mouth troubles, but that whole process looks pretty uncomfortable, so I can understand some fussiness and clinginess.

She's very close to walking, too. She wants to come up to you and grab your thumb with one hand (one hand only, she was doing two for a while, but has realized she can get by with one and that frees the other hand to grab stuff, so now she insists on one hand. Unless you're helping her stand up.) and walk around the house grabbing things.

She's starting to communicate a little bit too. Whenever she drops things over the side of her high chair she says “oh oh”. And when she asks if she is all done she sometimes says “Aaaa Daaaan”. Or sometimes “aaah aaaaah aaaa daaaa aaaa”. It's a work in progress. But it's seriously cute.

I'm working on new stuff. I've decided I want to be a VR developer. Or perhaps just a Technical Artist, which is a profession that I've just made up that involves doing the technical side of creating visual effects in computer graphics. Things like animation, automated modeling, stuff like that. I don't know if that's something that people actually do, and frankly I don't know if it's something I really want to do either, but It's something I'm trying, and it feels like progress towards something, which is important, because it gives me hope. Whether or not anything actually comes from all this work is less important, at times, than feeling like I'm just doing something to advance myself in a direction of better happiness. As opposed to just...stagnating.

To this end, I attended a VR (Virtual Reality) game Jam a few weeks ago. What is a game Jam? Glad you asked. Video games are, at base, computer programs. And a Game Jam is when people get together for a concentrated period of time to see how much 'game' you can make in just a couple of days of work. The things that come out of them are often very rudementary, proof-of-concept things, but some serious games have come out of game jams, and it forces you to see if your game concept works, and allows you to get good feedback on it.

I didn't go to create my own VR game. I went for two reasons. 1) to Meet People and 2) To see if I could help on someone elses game in order to increase my experience with Unity programming. (Unity is the software that allows you to program and script your game. It's what most everyone is using to create things for VR.)

It was incredibly stressful, but I'm super glad I went. I was able to hang with people that clearly had more Unity background than I do, and I got to make VR beer pong, which isn't going to set the world on fire anytime soon, but it was a simple, easy-to-understand game concept, and I was able to help and learn a lot about what I do and what I don't know how to do in Unity. Plus we got to demo our game to a bunch of people, get some good feedback, and play around with nifty VR equipment that won't be on sale until later this year. I felt pretty fancy. There's still a lot of work to do if I'm going to try and make a serious career out of this, but like I said, it's progress, and it feels like moving forward.

I'm working on another VR music video (in my 'free time', so VERY slowly), I'll try to post some screen shots of things, I'm sure moms and dads of all generations would love to see my early, early prototype stuff.

Micro news!

Going camping this weekend. Should be hot, but also *s'mores*.

Jess is still awesome at hockey.

I've been running some pretty long distances lately. 3 miles used to be my limit. Now a 'short run' for me is around 4 or 5. My record long run is 11 miles. I think I'll try to do a half marathon in the fall sometime when it's cooler.

I usually weigh less than 200 lbs now. Which is pretty impressive. If I ever get down to 190 I'll be at high school weight. Except, of course, with more muscle now.

Casey is getting weaned off of bottles and has grown out of her cloth diapers. This vastly reduces the amount of chores I have to do when I get home. Kids still are a lot of work, though.

There are a lot of video games coming out, and I don't have the time to play almost any of them. That's how I know I'm serious about using my time for exercising and programming.

That will do for now. I'll try to update everything again before another three months go by. I'm sure there will be great stories to tell between now and then.

-N

Tyler's Birthday Party, et. al.

We just got back from Tyler's fourth Birthday party.  We had it at 'pump it up'.  We have been there several times before, but never for one of ours.  Tyler had a great time, though we had to take care of a few rough patches when he got hungry.  Lots of running around and bouncing.  Casey had a good time too.  She liked watching people and watching the big bounce houses and watching the walls and everything so much that eventually she just got exhausted and fell asleep on my shoulder.  Very sweet of her.  We had chocolate cake, everyone had a good time, and the whole house except for me is napping now.  I went out and raked leaves.  I think I need to do some gardening this weekend too.  It's spring, which lasts for like 2 weeks here in Texas.  Should take advantage of the outdoors now that its tolerable.

Update on the kids!  Tyler seems to be slowly growing out of his obnoxious phase.  Jess and I were talking and she was lamenting that he was growing out of the 'cute' phase.  He's not going to be three anymore.  I laughed at her.  I hated three!  It was the worst!  Glad for it to be behind us.  Here's to better years to come.  Tyler is also old enough to have proper Legos at this point, which is great for me, cause now I can buy them under the cover of buying them for him (they will not always be for him.

Casey is growing up big, too.  She can cruise with one hand, and is *desperate* to be able to walk like her big brother, has been for months.  She wants in on walking as fast as she can.  She's getting there, too.  Her legs are getting stronger all the time.  I think as soon as she figures out the last bits of her balance, she's be unstoppable.

Casey's first word was MaMa, this is true.  But her *favorite* word, at least for now.  Is Dada.  She is 100% Daddy's girl.  Whenever she sees me she leans out and stretches out her arms so I can pick her up.  There are times when she will let mom get her, but just as often, she turns right back around and tries to get on me.  Which is nice, I didn't get that as much with Tyler, so it's good to have a kid that thinks you are the greatest in the world.  She also has started to babble a bit, and even says, I'm convinced, "Tyler".  Which sounds a lot more like "Da-duuuh".  When Tyler leaves the dinner table, Casey always wants him to come back.  She likes that older brother, and Tyler likes that he has someone that wants to pay attention to him all of the time.  He roughhouses with her a little, but is careful, more or less.  I have to teach him to pay attention to Casey's face and sounds so he knows when to lay off.

I have decided to become a VR developer.  This has meant that in the past few months, I've bought an Oculus Rift dev kit, learned C#, learned Unity, and have been modeling things in Blender.  I am, of course, not *great* at any of these yet, I only get to work on things after everyone else in the house is asleep.  But there was a VR Austin meetup group that I took a little VR music video to and got a lot of positive feedback.  People liked it, simple as it is.  I learned a few nice things, and have ideas for what the next iteration of my music video will be.  My plan is to do this until I either get good enough that people will pay me to make VR music videos for their band (hello, Austin!) or that someone hires me to work on VR stuff instead of defense stuff.  It might work, or it might not, but it feels like I'm *doing* something, and so I don't feel hopeless anymore.

Micro-News!

We got a big fancy TV and moved the 'old' TV upstairs in front of the treadmill.
I've been running a LOT.  My long distance record is 9.5 miles.  I'm considering signing up for a half marathon at some point.  Jess is signed up for a 10K next month, because she has started running long distances too.  Not sure what sparked this, but I have an app called "Zombies, Run" which keeps me well motivated to run more often and run longer when I go.  Able Township needs me!
I'm playing *way* fewer video games now. All my time is spent raising kids, working, programming, running, or catching up with Jessie.  Not much time for anything else.
Jess is a manager now.  She is super important.
We are considering the purchase of additional real estate, but there's a lot of math involved before we know if it will work.
Casey has her 8 front teeth in now.
We will be traveling up to Seattle soon to visit family, that will be nice.
Went to the Austin Rodeo.  Tyler had a great time on all the rides.  Pig race was fun too.  No cowboy hat for me, yet, though.

Till next time,

-N

Casey can do new things now

Casey is getting older, day by day, and she's started to pick up a few tricks.  Tyler does too, of course.  I thought I'd write down a few because it's always fun to go back to see how they grew up.

Casey has been calling me dadadada for a while.  When I come pick her up from day care, she gives me a smile and crawls over to me, then lifts up hands in a clear sign of 'pick me up'.  Then she looks at me for a while and says "dadada..." a few times with a slightly confused look on her face.  It's very nice of her.

She's also started in with Mamama now, too.  She said mama before dada, but I think I'm the first one she actually spoke to.  

She has started to mimic us.  The game we had where we would clap whenever she shook the container of beano has evolved into the game where we clap for her and then she claps for us.  Then she claps for us and we reciprocate.  She also likes to mimic our head shakes.

She also did one of the most toddler things I've sever seen her do.  I was munching on an apple and I figured I'd give it to her to chew on.  I had eaten around the sides so it was vaguely bottle-shaped.  She was really into it for a while, she liked the flavor and could get her hands around it, but the problem was that she knew what she was supposed to do.  When you get something like that in your hands, you get your mouth around one end and suck on it, and then food comes out.  Well she tried that for about 3 minutes, grabbing and sucking, grabbing and sucking...but no food was coming out.  Then all at once, she stopped, put the apple down, and started crying.  She wanted food, and she knew how she was supposed to get it, but it wasn't working right.  It was very sweet and heartbreaking, so we gave her some apple for lunch.

Tyler is learning new things too.  Here are his jokes:

1) Do you have a mustache?  Because I mustache you a question.
2) Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Banana.
    Banana who?
    Orange.
    Orange who?
    Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

He's also started playing with Legos instead of just duplos.  He likes the minifigures a lot, especially Emmet and Wildstyle.  I've sent off for box of random lego blocks so I can build things that aren't just out of a regular set.

Other things:

1) I'm going to PAX this weekend!  The Penny Arcade Expo.  It's my first time going, and it's just an hour down the road.  I'm quite excited, hopefully I'll have as much fun here as I do at ReaperCon.
2)  I have also come to realize I haven't painted any Minis since last ReaperCon.  I should either start or just figure I'm too busy for it for now.
3) Because I've also started practicing the Piano again.  I've gone through my book of beginning songs, and am considering getting a better keyboard and taking proper lessons.
4) A reorg happened at work, and Jessie is a manager now!  Good for her!  I'm still in test.

-N

More Kids, by Volume

I still have the same number of kids, but it's struck me that you are continually getting more kid available.  Especially in those early months, you get pounds and pounds of kid added on every month.  They're older now, and doing different things, would you like to hear about them?

Casey is still the smiliest baby in the world.  She still only has her two bottom teeth, but she will show those puppies to *anyone*.  She loves to see new faces and give them her biggest smile, it really melts the heart.  She's crawling, now, too.  Properly crawling, even.  She had been doing some productive army-crawl stuff, but now she gets up on all four limbs and covers *distance*.  We are officially at the point where you have to be careful, because the place where you put her down may not be where you need to go to pick her up.  This effect can be carefully mitigated by surrounding her with toys, so that if she tries to escape there is something to distract her attention and get stuffed into her mouth.  Swords, oddly enough, are a big hit in this regard.

I'll tell you the cutest way that this shows up, though.  You'll be doing something else, either on your own or with Tyler, and tiny fingers will grab your toes.  That part is pretty nice.

Also, she likes to crawl up to my pants and put her mouth (her always so-drooly mouth) on my pants.  I'm not sure if it's a kiss or if she's trying to eat me.  Though given how she interacts with nearly everything at this point, I suspect it's the eating one.

The one thing we're a little concerned with is that she's not made much linguistic progress.  She's still pretty limited to raspberries, vowels, and "kkkkkkkkkk".  Which I guess is a consonant.  We'll get her checked out to make sure there's nothing wrong, but she may just be waiting until she knows what to do with communication before just *flaunting* it all the time.

Tyler grows.  We've implemented a plan that I rather like.  If Tyler does his chore (feeding the cats) and eats his dinner (still 50/50, I put lots of veggies in things) he get 15 minute of ipad time.  He doesn't yet realize it, but this isn't a kindness for him.  For us, it gives us a reprieve from having to keep him always entertained, and it serves as something else we can take away if he's being bad.  I feel pretty Machiavellian when I think about it.

He likes to play 'Good guy and Bad guy' with me, but I'm always the bad guy.  I told him I don't like to be the bad guy, and he said I could be the bad guy for a while and then be the good guy later.  So we did that until he realized that he was going to have to be the bad guy, and he didn't like that.  So we talked about how you have to share if you want people to play with you.  You sometimes have to do nice things for other people if you want them to do nice things for you.  He was quiet for a while after that.

Today, He said I could be the good guy and he would be the bad guy.  We switched after a while, but I felt proud about that one.

Also I got sick this weekend, and now the entire household is coughing pretty much all night.  I've spent some nights in the guest bedroom with the monitors just to let Jess sleep.  It's noisy.  But we did have a date night, the two of us.  We went to a board game Cafe.  Think game store, but they will also sell you beer or coffee.  We played Lords of Waterdeep and "A Few Acres of Snow" and Jessie kicked my butt at both of them.  She's vicious.

-N

Telling some Stories

Casey likes to talk now.  It's not babble, which is when your baby starts mimicking the sounds of language.  This is some sort of pre-babble, where she just looks at you right in your face and sticks out her tongue and raspberries you.  Then you raspberry back.  Then she repeats.  This can last up to an hour. Then it transitions to happy shrieking.

Today, I was putting Tyler to sleep.  He grabbed my arm, rolled over and just said.  "Stay, Daddy."  It's been a while since he's done that.

Casey can keep her head up really well now, as well as roll from her front to her back.  We're working on sitting up, but there are two problems.  One is that whenever she gets excited, she likes to straighten out her body.  This means she flings herself onto her back without warning.  The other is that whenever she sits, she kinda leans forward, and forward, and forward, until she's essentially eating her toes.  Then she rolls to her side and then is right back on her back again.  It might be intentional.

I'm running infrequently, but being able to run at all with the kids in the house is a pretty big accomplishment.  Casey sleeps really well, though she can occasionally be hard to put down.  We've taken to cutting off her naps at 4:00, or sometimes earlier.  It means she gets a little loopy in the late afternoon, but she usually perks up when you nibble on her fingers.  Anyway, my 3 mile time is still roughly 45 minutes, which isn't good, but it's faster than when I'm sitting down.  And if the calorie counter is to be believed, it burns a lot of fuel.  (I'm not convinced it is to be fully believed.)

Fran was here last month, and Mom and (eventually) Dad are here this month.  We're going to go to a photo studio and get adorable pictures of everyone taken.  And then we aren't going to share those pictures at all.  We're just going to hoard them and look at them in dark corners where no one else can see.  This is a joke, of course.  Watch out for Christmas presents.

Tyler took some swim classes.  We're not trying to turn him into an Olympian, we just want him to feel comfortable (and safe) around a pool.  He started out pretty nervous, but got better at each class.  By a few times in, he was excited to go.  He's a decent swimmer now, he just keeps popping his head up instead of forward, and when you tell him to jump in the pool, he sits down, turns around, and shuffles in backwards.  Not a bad reflex.

It was my birthday last week!  I got to make a yellow cake.  It was really good, despite the fact that Jessie thought it was dry but who cares about her opinion anyway.  I haven't had any Ice Cream yet.  I'm saving that for later.  I don't eat ice cream as a matter of responsibility now.  Not eating ice cream reminds me that I'm being careful about what I eat.  The last time I had any was during my birthday last year.  I figure once a year is pretty responsible, I'm just going to reserve that splurge for another time.

I still hover around between 202 and 205 on the scale, with 199 always hovering just out of reach.  I'm really hungry, though.

If something big and dramatic happens, I'll try and let you know.

-N

Casey Smiles now Sometimes

I'm still not sure what causes it, some mood or experience or thought that she has that flits through her mind and is gone, but sometimes Casey smiles now.  She has little grins sometimes, and then sometimes they are full-on, full-face smiles that just melt the heart.  Especially since I've spent more time just hanging out and looking at her.  I like the quiet time I get with her, she doesn't ask me questions until I'm too tired to answer and then ask why I am using my 'tired voice'.  She just looks at me and is silent, as if daddy is here and that means that nothing can possibly be wrong with the world.

Today Fran goes home, so it's back down to just the four of us.  I'm pleased that I have the freezer well stocked with easy casserole dinners.  Easy to make and easy to clean up.  I keep thinking it will be 'quieter' now, somehow, now that it's just our familiy, but the 3-year-old is still with us, so it can't be *that* much quieter.

I haven't been exercising too much, the idea that I should purposefully make myself *more* tired just seems like a poor idea.

I ordered a new computer this weekend.  A desktop this time, for playing more robust games.  I'm excited by the prospects, of course.

Yesterday Tyler was singing "The Farmer in the Dell"...
T:  The Farmer in the dell, the farmer in the dell.  High ho the mary oh, the farmer in the dell.
Me:  ...
T:  The Farmer takes his life, the farmer takes his life.  High ho the mary oh, the farmer takes his life.
Me:  Tyler, it's "picks his wife".
T:  No, it's "Takes his life."
Me:  Tyler, "Takes his life" means "Kills himself".
T: Oh.
Me:  ...
T: The farmer kills himself, the farmer kills himself.  High ho the Mary oh, the farmer kills himself...

-N

An odd time not to be tired

Current time is...2:30.  Yes, that's in the morning.  It's odd to be sitting here because I'm fairly sure that I'm not tired enough to go to sleep, but it's been that kind of week.  To update from the last blog, Casey and Mom are both doing well.  Casey nurses infrequently, but Jess has been producing plenty of food via pumps, much more than we ever got with Tyler.  Casey's stomach continues to expand, though, so we still end up going through a lot of formula, but whatever gets the most energy into the baby seems to be the best way to go.  We have an appointment next Wednesday to verify her weigh gain, but I'm not worried, kid has been doing great.

Some more odd things about Casey, in list form so I can get to a lot of them.

1) You know how babies are supposed to grab your hands?  Casey doesn't do that much.  Her hands and feet are far to active to be holding onto one thing for too long.

2) Tyler is starting to get more curious about Casey.  He still hasn't wanted to hold her, but he helped me feed her today, and she loves watching him when he plays, which he likes.

3) She's been having rather fitful sleep recently.  There are times when she's dead to the world for hours, and then times when I'm fairly sure she's asleep, but she's constantly making noise.  I have her out here with me in the living room so Jess can sleep better in the bedroom.

4)  She's started looking at things more.  I get to feed her a lot, and she watches my face with the prettiest of eyes.  I hope she likes me sometimes.

5) She's stared to have longer awake periods.  That means we can put her on the play mat and interact with her for a while. She doesn't do too much, but she'll watch things very closely.  It's sweet.

6)  It's still too early to say, but we might have another good sleeper on our hands.  She sleeps for long stretches, and we have to keep waking her up after 3 or even 4 hours in order to feed.  Also, her stomach is getting larger, so she can eat a lot more, which is good for her, I think.  We get to let her sleep more after the first two weeks, so we'll see then how long she wants to rest for without us waking her up for feedings.

Anyway, I don't know what I've done to get myself awake at this time of night, but I'm using the time to study up on old EE stuff.  Might as well be productive if I'm going to have the time to spare.

-N

Yes, more about Casey

Well, it's almost time for us to head home.  We're going through the last few steps of our discharge from the hospital.  Jess has had her final checkup with the OB, and looks to be doing well.  Casey has been seen by the Pediatrician, who gives us high marks for all that we're doing to get breastfeeding as well as keeping her well fed.  Casey's weight has been climbing steadily as we've been using the supplemental forumula, and Jessie's milk has started to come in, which is really cool.

Casey is also the best baby.  Again.  I know, hardly fair.  We've fed her, and she's spent the last, I dunno, nearly an hour just hanging out on the bed with mommy and being entirely goddamn adorable.  She's looking making faces, receiving kisses and nibbles, grabbing hands, and showing off all her cutest baby skills.  No fussing. no nothing.  Just cute faces and and curious eyes .

Nursing continues to get better.  Jessie still winces (and occasionally curses outright) whenever Casey latches, but we've gotten pretty great with the suplemental feeding

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Time warp!

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I started this entry before we came home.  After writing those first few lines, it was time to start packing things up and knocking things off the checklist of stuff you have to do before the hospital will let you go.  It was pretty busy.  I got everything packed up, and then Jess walked, yes, actually walked, out of the hospital to the car waiting outside.  She's doing much better with her recovery the second time around.

We drove home at about 2 on Saturday, and wheeled up to the driveway to see a lovely banner made by nana and grandpa (and presumably by Tyler as well) welcoming us home.  We got into the house and it's been a flurry of activity ever since.

Getting things organized has been the main challenge.  Between all the critical stuff we brought to the hospital and all the things we had to move from downstairs, things have rapidly disorganized.  I've done my best to keep on top of the clutter.

We're managing, though, and Jess is continuing to recover and improve, though we have to often remind her that she has a giant hole in her abdomen, and she needs to just sit down and rest every once in a while.  I'm taking the first shift today so that she can rest.  I'm hoping Casey sleeps a lot.

The real bummer hit today.  Casey has been great at latching, and today, Sunday, for some reason no one can fathom, she just stopped.  She grabs hold, shakes off, grabs hold, shakes off, and doesn't eat.  We're supposed to feed her every three hours, and she straight-up missed one of them because we couldn't get anything in her stomach.  Then she woke up again and same problem.  We've tried everything we know how to do, burping endlessly and trying again and again, but with no success.

For those of you that have never gone through this before, this isn't just 'bad news'.  It's heartbreaking.  The moment you get you baby you are inundated with an endless stream of people desperately trying to convince you, for some reason, that you should breast feed your baby.  I mean of course, you should, right?  Well it turns out that doing so is a massive pain in the ass, and often entirely contradictory.  We got Casey breast feeding just fine, and then her weigh dropped below some invisible line and now we are *required* to do something to get her weight up.  That's right, don't feed your baby formula, no matter what, except unless we tell you to.

And then again with this!  Which is it?  Feed your baby every 3 hours no matter what, or don't use a bottle no matter what.  Go ahead, pick one. Which piece of desperate advice, which of course will determine the *entire* future of your beloved child, will you follow, and which will you break?  Hmm?  Not *will* you doom your baby, but how.

Not to mention the endless insistence on parental behaviors that essentially assumes that mom has no needs of her own.  She doesn't need to sleep, doesn't need to recover.  Her real, physical pain at breast feeding is something to be ignored, or mentioned in passing as 'discomfort', as if suffering through this is immaterial.

Pisses me right the fuck off.

Anyway, Casey's last few feedings have been via bottle, and just barely at that.  Jess has been pumping, and producing precious little milk, but it's something.   And Casey doesn't even seem to want the bottle that much.  We couldn't figure out how to give it to her until Grandpa figured out you could get her to suck on your pinky for a while and then swap the bottle in quickly to get her to eat it.

Not to mention, of course, that Tyler has continued to be a three-year-old during this process.  I had to put him in time out for pretty much all of dinner time today because we made him food that he didn't like, and all he did was complain.  Bad enough Casey doesn't want to eat.  Tyler goes to school tomorrow, hopefully the
resumption of his usual schedule will help him feel a little more comfortable.

Well, tomorrow is monday, and we have a Dr. Appointment with Casey's doctor during which we can hopefully get some answers about what the best course of action is.  And if the best course of action involves just putting more pressure and suffering on Jessie, someone's getting stabbed.

-N

EATING

So there's this thing called 'cluster feeding', which sounds like a pretty good description of a zombie apocalypse, but is actually a thing that babies do where they eat.  And then eat again.  And again, essentially constantly.  They eat until they run out of energy, then they sleep, and once they have the energy, it's back to the bar.  Casey is doing that now.

They gave us a piece of paper on which we are supposed to write down all her feedings, and it has a column for each hour.  I've had to start blending multiple columns together.  "She was eating for all of in here."  It's very encouraging.  We saw the lactation consultant and she essentially told us that we're doing everything right, and we're just going to have to see how Jessie's milk comes in, which will probably not be for several days.  Good to have the validation, though.

Tyler has also been a very good big brother.  He's much more interested in a) the hospital and b) the 'big cut' on mommy's tummy then he is in baby Casey.  But they've been close a few times, and Tyler has looked, but not wanted to hold yet.  We're not rushing him.  At one point he saw me pacifying Casey with a pinky and he wanted to try.  He stuck his thumb in Caseys mouth and Casey started to suck on it.  He got a really big grin on his face for that.  We have some pictures on someone's phone.  There's a lot of cameras in here.

I went out to Lunch with Dad while Mom stayed with Jess and Casey.  We got hamburgers, then brought back a sandwich for Mom, and a Chocolate shake for Jess.  It's technically a liquid!  She's good to go!

Right this very moment, Casey is snug in Mom's arms and Jess is taking a nap.  It's nice, it's quiet.  I'll bet a nurse is about to come in here and try to take someone's blood pressure.

-N

First night with Ze baby

Casey was great, and nurses are jerks.

Casey actually slept pretty well last night.  We're starting to get the first hints of a 'schedule' out of her.  She sleeps for a while, wakes up, we change her diaper to wake her up (she hates that part) and put her right on Jessie for a good half-hour or so of feeding.  Jess is being a real trooper with the nursing.  It's not particularly pleasant, and you have to keep doing it all the time.  But shes doing it, because she's the best mom in the world.  Sorry Mom, you're #2 now.  :)

Casey has gotten better at nursing too.  She's essentially a machine designed to learn how to breast feed as soon as possible, so it's not entirely surprising, but this is our first time getting it right, so it's good to know Casey is going to meet us partway.

She's a strong little girl, too.  Must have been all those workouts on mommy's bladder.  There's a burping method by which you hunch them over your hand and balance their chin in the V of your thumb and first finger.  I was burping Casey like that for a while and she decided something needed to go in her mouth, so she screwed up her head to the side to try and get the side of my finger in her mouth.  Here's the kicker: *I couldn't stop her*.  I think we might have birthed a UFC fighter or something.  Well, something future-y er than that.  Maybe she'll fight with Mech suits.

The nurses actually kept us up MUCH more than Casey did.  They had to come in to take blood, check blood pressure, get Jess walking, remove a catheter, all sorts of stuff.  We spent a lot more time taking care of the nurses than we did for Casey.

In fact, Casey is probably a little *too* good of a baby.  We want to make sure Jessie's milk comes in, and as annoying as that is, it means a lot of feeding.  Casey would sleep a lot longer if we let her, but we definitely want to get as much food in her tiny little belly as she can.  So we've been waking her up after several hours and letting her feed for as long as she wants.  She goes in fits and starts, but nursing sessions usually take her at least 30 minutes.  Good kid.

Oh, and you have to make sure that Casey stays awake, and that means that you are required, on occasion, to chew on her ears and nibble on her ribs.  For her sake, of course.

-N

What's Casey Like?

She seems a little more aware than Tyler was.  You could mess with Tyler a lot before he paid any attention.  Casey wants to be swaddled and snuggled, and then she doesn't want to move.  She's been sleeping a lot, and we've been indulging her because she's had quite a day, and I'd want to take a nap too.  The nursing has gone really well, even though Casey hasn't eaten a whole lot yet.  She's not having any problems, an neither is Jessie, and that's good news?

She's started to be a little curious.  She woke up and didn't feel like eating; she just opened her eyes and looked around, clearly curious about how vision worked.  She likes looking at mom, mostly.  Dad is okay too.  I can't tell what color her eyes are, but they aren't as dark as Tyler's were.  Maybe just a nice, dark blue.  

She has a lovely little nose.  I like giving her eskimo kisses.  

There's less of a 'story' with Casey.  For Tyler there was all this action, all these events, a lot to think of and remember.  Casey has been very direct.  She showed up practically on time, arrived without incident, and has pretty much just been sitting around being a baby.  

The rest of us are just sort of waiting around to see what else she'll do one she gets some more energy.  Will she fuss and cry a lot?  Want to look at things?  Just want to eat?  

Oh, there's one answer.  She got the hiccups.  She wants to hiccup.  

-N

Baby Casey Arrives

I sat waiting in an empty delivery room for what felt like a really long time.  I had all my stuff on, but no baby to go see, yet.  Eventually mom and dad came back from getting breakfast and the nurse came to get me.  Jess was already much of the way open and I sat down behind the screen to chat and keep her occupied.  She made a lot of odd faces; she could feel a lot more of the procedure this time, what with people rooting around in her abdomen for upwards of half an hour.  Jess was doing well, and eventually I got up my courage to look around the screen.

I couldn't see much from my direction, but the entire time the surgical staff was chatting away about whatever was on their minds, clearly so expert at this procedure that we were in quite good hands.  Eventually I saw them reaching in and pulling a baby out.  Casey came out head first, yanked with intensity and care, and was quickly taken to the corner to get checked up.

She was quiet for a little while, but made some cries that were loud enough to ensure us of her vitality.  I went over to check on her and she was squirming and crying a whole bunch and being really cute.  I gave her my fingers to grab, and that seemed to calm her down.  I think she was just really tired.

After a while of alternating between taking pictures, staring at her cute face, and watching Jessie get put back together, we took Casey over to see Jess.  As soon as Casey heard her mom's voice, she opened her eyes.  I made sure they both got good kisses and nuzzles, then held on while the surgery finished.

Jess was reassembled without incident and we rolled back to the room with Baby in mommy's arms.  Jess was in a much better state than after her previous cesarean, very anxious to get a hold of Casey and start breast feeding, and Casey was in the mood too.  She kept searching around with her mouth for something to put in.  She found her hands a few times.

Back at the room the nurses helped us with the first breast feeding, and Casey did really well.  We're still sorting out a few details, especially as Casey is so small, inexperienced, and tired, but things seem to be going pretty well.  It's making Jessie smile.

I took a short nap, got some food at the Cafeteria, and we have spent much of the day sending pictures around to everyone we know of all the cute happenings in our room.  Casey and mom are both doing great.  It's a good day.

-N

Jess is off

Soon someone will come get me and I'll go see my daughter.  I'm blogging mostly because there's nothing else to do in this empty room.

-N

Things are happening!

We have been waiting to see exactly when the C-section would be, and it looks like it will be quite soon!  There was another C-section scheduled for 7:15, and they didn't show up (which is odd) and so we will get to have our Cesarian then.  Yay!  Jess has been suffering through some 'mild' contractions (they still hurt) and waiting patiently for the time to come.

Now things are about to kick off!  We've had anesthesiologists visit, nurses transition, and we've been asked about Jessie's medical history more times than I care to mention.  Doctor will soon be on the way, I'll be putting on my duds, and before you know it, baby pictures!

-N

Babywatch is a go!

Tyler was a little fussy last night, and I got up at about 1:30 to help calm him down.  He wanted a tissue. Well, he also wanted to fuss, but it was mostly the tissue.  When I got back, Jess was awake, and I tried to cuddle her to sleep.  I had my arm over her belly and could feel the contractions starting and stopping.  After a while she got up to go use the restroom and I was relaxing when I heard: "Hey, Noel,, can you take a look at this?"

I went into the restroom and Jess was looking down at herself wondering if something was going on.  As we both looked, her water broke.  Just a few hours before we were scheduled to do our Cesarean anyway.  First points to you, Casey.

Anyway, we called the nurse line and they asked us to come into the hospital.  We got all our stuff together, woke up the grandparents, left the monitor with Fran, and drove on in.  I was very safe and everything. There was the usual mountain of paperwork, then we got checked into the nice, refurbished Labor and delivery room.  Which is where we are now.

It's 4:30 AM.  Unless labor starts to kick off in earnest, which it might do, we are likely to get Casey out at around 8 AM.  Which means by the time you wake up and read this, you may already have a new relative.

-N

Babywait Day Whatever

Yep, still no baby. But tomorrow, tomorrow.  Right?  Everyone get pumped.  We get to the hospital at 10:30, surgery is scheduled for 12:30.  Kisses happen soon after.

-N

Babywait, Day 4

Still nothing.  Even less, in fact!  Jessie's contractions have been less intense and less regular.  Which is pretty good, because she went to *work* today, for crying out loud.  She made it a little more than half the day then came home for a nap.  It's looking more and more like Wednesday will be the day.  But you never know.  Out of nowhere--BAM!  Water broken!  Time to go!  I might not be able to blog quickly enough if that happens, but I'll let you know eventually.

-N

Babywait, Day 3

Still nothing.  A strong contraction here or there, and occasionally they are becoming a little bit regular, but nothing like actual labor. Guess I'm going into work tomorrow.  Bummer.

-N