Things kinda fell apart there for a
while for me. I've been doting around with various forms of
antidepressants for a while and without entirely noticing it I had
fallen back pretty hard with my attempted solution. It's meant
something of a personal reset, but I think I'm doing better now, and
Jessie agrees.
I'm much less busy now. I don't run as
often or as long, and I haven't touched my VR project in a couple of
months. It's intentional. I wanted to spend some time just relaxing
with my free time and seeing what that did for me, instead of turning
every moment of the day into currency to be spent against future
happiness. Current happiness has some value too. So for the last
few months I've just been playing video games in the evening.
Because I want to. I don't have to do job hunting or skill
developing or anything else I don't want to do. I just pick
something I enjoy and I'm doing that for a while. It's gone well.
I'm back on antidepressants as well,
and it's helping. The side effects aren't as bad as the symptoms
they help with, so there's no reason to complain. It does seem to
make everything just a little bit easier to process, a little less of
a burden. I like that.
Hobbies...I'm trying them out slowly.
I'm less interested in finding some activity that will bring me some
measure of bliss I'm just...trying stuff. I'm taking a portrait
drawing class. It's all right. It's not making me think I need to
get seriously into portraiture, but I like taking it. After the
class is over, maybe I'll take another. Or maybe I'll try something
else. I'm trying not to be so damn intense about it.
Work...I dunno, man. I still don't
like it at all, but I'm trying to complain about it less. They pay
me a lot of money, I try to focus on that. I'll work on things in
bits and pieces and see what I can do with my career, but it's not
worth wrecking myself over. Nothing is.
Fran lives here now. We bought a condo
for her and helped her move over from Florida. It's great to have
the help. We get to go out on date nights and she helps with chores,
and when the kids get into regular school, critically, she'll help to
pick them up. It's expensive, and our finances have taken enough of
a hit that I'm eying our budget more carefully. Date night is a nice
perk though.
To the kids: Tyler continues to
improve his attitude in fits and starts. He got really angry a lot
for a while there, but has gotten better at managing his anger.
Growing older helps, as does a buffet of other things we have tried,
I assume. Also moving up into the next class where there is more to
do and more to challenge him. His reading is definitely coming
along. Every time he reads me a book he gets a piece of chocolate.
I'm willing to keep this up indefinitely if needed. He has been
carrying a big plastic t-rex around with him lately. He asked if the
t-rex could sit at the dinner table with us today. I said yes, and
the t-rex was quite well behaved. Also Tyler ate two bowls of Squash
soup, which is nice.
We have started to play some video
games together, too. He likes to play minecraft and to explore and
jump into lava. He gets a really big smile when I let him be in
control and he walks us forward into a pit of lava and we lose all
our stuff. I don't mind, it's a big smile.
Casey is a full-on Toddler now. She
walks around a lot, and even likes to walk instead of being carried
sometimes (because that's what her big brother is doing.) She is
starting to talk more and more:
PPPPPPtttt = Please
Peessssss = Please also, but with Less
spitting. I try to encourage this one
Ma-Me Ma-Me = Give me that!
“I know” = What daddy says to her
when she is fussy, and what she says in response
She's a pretty champion Babbler. She
likes to hold books and make lots of sounds at you, which is what she
assumes you are doing when you read a book to her. She also gives
kisses and hugs and nuzzles on command, and likes to wave hello and
bye-bye to strangers, which is the cutest goddamn thing in the world.
Also she wears pigtails sometimes which are so cute they should be
illegal. She's flipped over to liking mommy more now, which does
happen with kids, but it was nice when she thought I was the best.
I'm sure she'll be back eventually.
Micronews:
I've started eating Soylent for
Breakfast and lunch. Being as I have been eating the same thing for
breakfast and the same thing (nearly) for lunch every day for the
past decade or more, it's not a huge adjustment.
We lost a set of keys, and getting car
keys replaced is real damn expensive.
Jess may get Lasic!
Next blog should be in 2016 sometime...
-N
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