Those of us who share this space know what has happened and have shared our sadness in multiple phone calls and messages. I don't have anything to add or reveal at this moment, I just want a placeholder in our electronic lives which will mark this change and remind us all of our mutual connection and affection.
Poppa was nothing if not practical and aware of life's certainties. How many proclamations of "Martha, this will be good widow training" have we all heard to know he had an edge of reality to his humor. I am proud of the depth of feeling shared by my children across this generational divide. It is a mark of the wonderful affection he earned and shared with those most important to him. I suppose I knew this day would come. I somehow thought I would be better prepared. I mostly find myself distracted and at a loss, less saddened than just stunned. I find myself bustling about preparing to settle lots of details and transitions for Nana as if that will fill the space in the hole that comes from knowing my father is gone. Like all grief, it sneaks up on me, in the sight of his possesions, the setting of his daily life here at home, in the conversations that will now always be about him, not with him.
For now it's time for bed, the end of a day that started like no other, with the calm voice of my mother telling me that my father had slipped away in the night, the silencing of a voice that had spoken to me hours before. I miss him, we all miss him. I love you all, as did he.
Gordie
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Spring Cleaning! Oh, it's so revealing
I spent most of the week marinating on the couch, working through a single sleeve of saltines and nursing a stomach flu. Matt did a great job of taking care of me, but the result of spending a week in place is a lot of detritus. This somehow put into focus the collected clutter of the entire winter. After our first attempt of doing dishes and tidying up, we decided this was a different kind of project altogether. We went to Costco, bought some bins and then decided to rip up the house.
I started in the pantry, Matt in the bathroom. We threw out skads of junk, expired meds, stale cereal, unlabeled who knows what... And the result is having full access to all the countertops in the kitchen (Thank you, thank you!), and the pantry is thoughtfully lumped together. Do you know we have an entire shelf of tomato products (V8, paste, diced, sauces)? and another of beans? And while I have a gallon of quinoa, I only have a single box of noodles? Matt devastated the bathroom- there is actually space in the medicine cabinet, and two trash cans later, we actually have space for linens in the linen closet. Wow!
The result of such earnest work, is that the rest of the house is collecting cardboard boxes and other recycling. It looks like we are moving. But there have been some exciting finds as we start to think about the bedroom- I found my glasses, my chemistry modeling kit, and Matt liberated a bunch of space in the front closet. While I am feeling more inclined to trash things we don't need/want right away, Matt would prefer to organize everything we have for future consideration (ergo, working happily in separate rooms) (Also our bathroom is too tiny for more than one occupant). The next project is the bedroom though, so we'll see what kind of compromise we can swing.
I started in the pantry, Matt in the bathroom. We threw out skads of junk, expired meds, stale cereal, unlabeled who knows what... And the result is having full access to all the countertops in the kitchen (Thank you, thank you!), and the pantry is thoughtfully lumped together. Do you know we have an entire shelf of tomato products (V8, paste, diced, sauces)? and another of beans? And while I have a gallon of quinoa, I only have a single box of noodles? Matt devastated the bathroom- there is actually space in the medicine cabinet, and two trash cans later, we actually have space for linens in the linen closet. Wow!
The result of such earnest work, is that the rest of the house is collecting cardboard boxes and other recycling. It looks like we are moving. But there have been some exciting finds as we start to think about the bedroom- I found my glasses, my chemistry modeling kit, and Matt liberated a bunch of space in the front closet. While I am feeling more inclined to trash things we don't need/want right away, Matt would prefer to organize everything we have for future consideration (ergo, working happily in separate rooms) (Also our bathroom is too tiny for more than one occupant). The next project is the bedroom though, so we'll see what kind of compromise we can swing.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Micro-News: Macro Edition.
Too much stuff has happened, here are the highlights!
Some friends of our came to visit from Albuquerque for an impromptu weekend. We showed them around Austin and fed them tons of food. The bats under the bridge were a definite hit.
I keep forgetting to write Nana back, but the sewing machine we got was a Brother machine. It works really well, and I like it quite a bit. No new sewing projects yet, though.
We’ve done lots of work on planning our vacation. So exciting! We get to see a lot of stuff and it’s coming up right quick! We’ve also got a wedding and a graduation to go see, so we are going through a lot of airline miles over the next few months.
Jess got a new laptop for her birthday from me. Which also means that I got my laptop back.
The husband of one of Jessie’s cousins was in town for a couple nights, too. We took him out for BBQ (yum) and then met Marci and Brian at a club near downtown. We watched a band I’ve never heard of before, they played swing music, quite good. I had my musician ear on, too. Trying to get inspiration and lessons wherever I can.
Last week was SXSW, south by southwest. An enormous music festival in Austin. It’s pretty crazy, every locale that can host a band does, as do several places that can’t. I may try and do it next year. It seemed pretty exciting, though expensive and very all-day. I’d probably have to take some time off to do it properly. Also, there are video games.
Weight! I’ve broken through the ‘wall’ of 205 lbs, and I’m down to about 203 now.
Martial Arts! I’ve found a place to do my exercise. There’s a Judo school up by me. Good instructor, good price, no contract, and a lot of fun. I’m in!
The grass is still hiding underground, hopefully it’ll sprout soon, as long as the birds haven’t eaten too much of it.
Our shower is complete and awesome. The glass looks really nice.
Oop, bedtime, and I need to go take an awesome shower in our awesome shower. Cheers!
-N
Some friends of our came to visit from Albuquerque for an impromptu weekend. We showed them around Austin and fed them tons of food. The bats under the bridge were a definite hit.
I keep forgetting to write Nana back, but the sewing machine we got was a Brother machine. It works really well, and I like it quite a bit. No new sewing projects yet, though.
We’ve done lots of work on planning our vacation. So exciting! We get to see a lot of stuff and it’s coming up right quick! We’ve also got a wedding and a graduation to go see, so we are going through a lot of airline miles over the next few months.
Jess got a new laptop for her birthday from me. Which also means that I got my laptop back.
The husband of one of Jessie’s cousins was in town for a couple nights, too. We took him out for BBQ (yum) and then met Marci and Brian at a club near downtown. We watched a band I’ve never heard of before, they played swing music, quite good. I had my musician ear on, too. Trying to get inspiration and lessons wherever I can.
Last week was SXSW, south by southwest. An enormous music festival in Austin. It’s pretty crazy, every locale that can host a band does, as do several places that can’t. I may try and do it next year. It seemed pretty exciting, though expensive and very all-day. I’d probably have to take some time off to do it properly. Also, there are video games.
Weight! I’ve broken through the ‘wall’ of 205 lbs, and I’m down to about 203 now.
Martial Arts! I’ve found a place to do my exercise. There’s a Judo school up by me. Good instructor, good price, no contract, and a lot of fun. I’m in!
The grass is still hiding underground, hopefully it’ll sprout soon, as long as the birds haven’t eaten too much of it.
Our shower is complete and awesome. The glass looks really nice.
Oop, bedtime, and I need to go take an awesome shower in our awesome shower. Cheers!
-N
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Registration begins
This is the second semester (ever) that Pitt has done online registration. This means I am in a unique position to cyberstalk my own class, not patiently waiting for students to register for it. (This is because I don't have any fancy instructor access- I am just pretending like I might want to register myself) Today was the first day of registration and I don't have a single student yet! Tomorrow is another day, for future seniors to get their act together, and juniors pile on next week. This was my primary target group- but they've got all weekend to decide what they'll be taking, and little fear of being beat out of the required courses. My undergrad still hasn't decided what he is going to take- why should anyone else?
I highly doubt that my boss obsesses over how many students are enrolled in his biochem lectures- but there is no chance that his class would get canceled on account of low enrollment. I, on the other hand, need 14 live ones to get the go ahead.
To kill time while I wait, I've got an appointment to give blood this weekend, and may be instigating a wine tasting. We are also on pins and needles for the final return of our favorite soldier. He's back in TX at the moment, no firm date on his return to Pittsburgh yet.
I highly doubt that my boss obsesses over how many students are enrolled in his biochem lectures- but there is no chance that his class would get canceled on account of low enrollment. I, on the other hand, need 14 live ones to get the go ahead.
To kill time while I wait, I've got an appointment to give blood this weekend, and may be instigating a wine tasting. We are also on pins and needles for the final return of our favorite soldier. He's back in TX at the moment, no firm date on his return to Pittsburgh yet.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Oh, now I'm nervous
Because of my reputation as a The Virologist on our floor, the TA for Adv Virology Lab asked me to come and lead a day on SV40, which is the virus I study. I agreed, because I can confidently say I know more about SV40 then anyone else in the class. I marintated in the idea- what would I want them to get out of it, how would I get it all to work together, what would be a valuable activity for them? The activity came together nicely, just a chance for them to try their hand at something I've done a lot of, and I figured I'd fill in the lecture stuff later.
Well.... It's later now. I am giving this lecture tomorrow morning, and I am feeling desperate to convey- what is the most interesting thing about my research? What do I do that is cool? What do I do that I could tell graduating seniors about?? When I get this polished off, I am going to start right into my talk for next week for the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences. I'll never put off another speaking engagement again!
Well.... It's later now. I am giving this lecture tomorrow morning, and I am feeling desperate to convey- what is the most interesting thing about my research? What do I do that is cool? What do I do that I could tell graduating seniors about?? When I get this polished off, I am going to start right into my talk for next week for the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences. I'll never put off another speaking engagement again!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I don't want to jinx it
Mom has mentioned (complained? chided?) before that I only blog about BAD stuff at work. That given what I've written, everyone would have to assume my boss is a jerk, my project is running on a treadmill of futility and my career prospects are limited to hoping Matt gets another promotion. There is a very un-scientific reason for this- when things are going well, I don't want to jinx it.
Part of this comes from developing a working style when I wasn't a very good scientist. In the early days, at the first sign of a cool result I'd run around and tell everyone how awesome this would look on the cover of Science. Only to have to eat my words at lab meeting when I figured out that I set up my experiments wrong. I'm not masochistic enough to put myself through the disappointment multiplied by embarrassment anymore, so I prefer to avoid talking about experiments that are still "in progress" - which for me, means they haven't reconfirmed and passed all the controls. Since my results don't really have to co-ordinate with anyone else, I can keep my hopes and failures quiet until I know what to do with them.
The other part is pseudo-scientific. I spent a good part of my first couple years here optimizing protocols. I'd start with some vague protocol like "mix stuff together, get good results" and have to parse every word for a variety of conditions. Mix by stirring or shaking? Does the order of the stuff matter? When do these good results come? I try to be detailed and notice external factors during my optimization. I end up with protocols that look silly, "start by stirring water alone 10 min, then slowly adding remaining stuff, waiting 5 min between each stuff. LEAVE LAB for 1 hour (preferably Indian buffet, NOT fish sandwich), before looking for results." Obviously, it's very superstitious. We call it voodoo- mostly because there's no logical explanation for why, but you have to go through voodoo steps otherwise the real science ones don't seem to work.
One of the unwritten voodoo steps on all my protocols is "don't believe it will work." This is like the running TopGear Challenge joke, the answer to "How hard could that be?" is always much harder than you imagined. Heaven forbid I ever think an experiment would work the first time- that is when the new undergrad never rinsed the soap out of the glass ware, or a fire drill occurred at a sensitive time point, or I'll run out of my key reagent... things find a way to go wrong.
This is actually something that has really started to wear on me. There are no Cartwheel Awesome moment in science. Well, there are maybe once a decade- perhaps more often if you are my boss. We are trained to be so skeptical that we can't take a good result at face value the first time we see it, and by the time it reconfirms in two other assays- well, the thrill is gone. Bad news, though, bad news you can get all at once- and all the time. These you can blog about with impunity- on the off chance you are wrong about how bad it might be, it will still have ruined your day/week. My next job is going to have more highs, and fewer lows. Or, at least I hope it might. I don't want to jinx it.
Part of this comes from developing a working style when I wasn't a very good scientist. In the early days, at the first sign of a cool result I'd run around and tell everyone how awesome this would look on the cover of Science. Only to have to eat my words at lab meeting when I figured out that I set up my experiments wrong. I'm not masochistic enough to put myself through the disappointment multiplied by embarrassment anymore, so I prefer to avoid talking about experiments that are still "in progress" - which for me, means they haven't reconfirmed and passed all the controls. Since my results don't really have to co-ordinate with anyone else, I can keep my hopes and failures quiet until I know what to do with them.
The other part is pseudo-scientific. I spent a good part of my first couple years here optimizing protocols. I'd start with some vague protocol like "mix stuff together, get good results" and have to parse every word for a variety of conditions. Mix by stirring or shaking? Does the order of the stuff matter? When do these good results come? I try to be detailed and notice external factors during my optimization. I end up with protocols that look silly, "start by stirring water alone 10 min, then slowly adding remaining stuff, waiting 5 min between each stuff. LEAVE LAB for 1 hour (preferably Indian buffet, NOT fish sandwich), before looking for results." Obviously, it's very superstitious. We call it voodoo- mostly because there's no logical explanation for why, but you have to go through voodoo steps otherwise the real science ones don't seem to work.
One of the unwritten voodoo steps on all my protocols is "don't believe it will work." This is like the running TopGear Challenge joke, the answer to "How hard could that be?" is always much harder than you imagined. Heaven forbid I ever think an experiment would work the first time- that is when the new undergrad never rinsed the soap out of the glass ware, or a fire drill occurred at a sensitive time point, or I'll run out of my key reagent... things find a way to go wrong.
This is actually something that has really started to wear on me. There are no Cartwheel Awesome moment in science. Well, there are maybe once a decade- perhaps more often if you are my boss. We are trained to be so skeptical that we can't take a good result at face value the first time we see it, and by the time it reconfirms in two other assays- well, the thrill is gone. Bad news, though, bad news you can get all at once- and all the time. These you can blog about with impunity- on the off chance you are wrong about how bad it might be, it will still have ruined your day/week. My next job is going to have more highs, and fewer lows. Or, at least I hope it might. I don't want to jinx it.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
To busy writing to write
I won’t bore you with the details, but due to an upcoming, important meeting and some really weird security protocols, I am sitting at work, on my laptop, waiting for a nearby computer to finish a 5-hour simulation on a Saturday. At least I have the internet.
It’s been a weird couple of weeks. I’ve been busy with a lot of ‘around-the-house’ things and feeling generally down due, I believe, to a lack of any good, fun, personal goals. I still haven’t picked up a new martial art, I’ve been cutting down on video games, and most frustrating of all, my new, big goal isn’t working out yet. I can’t get any passable music written. I think it’s all down to my method.
I’ve ben coming at this from a classically trained perspective, trying to write some simple music in four-part-harmony form, harmonize it, and then figure out how to parlay that into the structure for some of the electronic-based dance music that I enjoy so much. But I’ve been stymied over and over at the very first step. I can’t even come up with a good melody. Everything I write sounds like garbage once I put it down into the computer. But I don’t think that’s unique to my music. Take some music that is good: ‘Ave Maria’, for reference. Strip out everything but the melody line. Then imagine that plugged into a computer, being played back without any context of chords, performance, or instrumentation. It’s terrible! The notes are too long, uninteresting, and there’s nothing to recommend it at all. But add all the extra parts back in, and you have one of the most amazing pieces of music ever created. I can’t write a melody line that stands up on it’s own, but given what I’m aiming for, perhaps I don’t need to. Chord structure, production, sound effects, all of these things have such a profound impact on a piece of music that to try and create something one piece at a time has been a real challenge. I haven’t figured out how to do it yet.
So that’s why I haven’t been writing here, more. Well, that and general busy-ness. Jess and I have been doing a lot of here-and-there home improvement stuff. The lawn is next up on the list. But the more important project is planning for our vacation. Jess has been spearheading that, mostly. We leave late next month and have most of our itinerary planned out already. Except for Antwerp. We want to visit An, but we don’t know if she’s going to be there yet. And I don’t think she does either. Can anyone with a better line of contact to her let me know the best way to contact An?
So, yes. Foiled music writing and a general lack of self-improvement. I’ll let you know when I get my stuff in order.
-N
Edit!: Jessie has suggested, quite wisely, that I should go do something I'm better at, like talking about things. Maybe podcasting, even. Ideas?
It’s been a weird couple of weeks. I’ve been busy with a lot of ‘around-the-house’ things and feeling generally down due, I believe, to a lack of any good, fun, personal goals. I still haven’t picked up a new martial art, I’ve been cutting down on video games, and most frustrating of all, my new, big goal isn’t working out yet. I can’t get any passable music written. I think it’s all down to my method.
I’ve ben coming at this from a classically trained perspective, trying to write some simple music in four-part-harmony form, harmonize it, and then figure out how to parlay that into the structure for some of the electronic-based dance music that I enjoy so much. But I’ve been stymied over and over at the very first step. I can’t even come up with a good melody. Everything I write sounds like garbage once I put it down into the computer. But I don’t think that’s unique to my music. Take some music that is good: ‘Ave Maria’, for reference. Strip out everything but the melody line. Then imagine that plugged into a computer, being played back without any context of chords, performance, or instrumentation. It’s terrible! The notes are too long, uninteresting, and there’s nothing to recommend it at all. But add all the extra parts back in, and you have one of the most amazing pieces of music ever created. I can’t write a melody line that stands up on it’s own, but given what I’m aiming for, perhaps I don’t need to. Chord structure, production, sound effects, all of these things have such a profound impact on a piece of music that to try and create something one piece at a time has been a real challenge. I haven’t figured out how to do it yet.
So that’s why I haven’t been writing here, more. Well, that and general busy-ness. Jess and I have been doing a lot of here-and-there home improvement stuff. The lawn is next up on the list. But the more important project is planning for our vacation. Jess has been spearheading that, mostly. We leave late next month and have most of our itinerary planned out already. Except for Antwerp. We want to visit An, but we don’t know if she’s going to be there yet. And I don’t think she does either. Can anyone with a better line of contact to her let me know the best way to contact An?
So, yes. Foiled music writing and a general lack of self-improvement. I’ll let you know when I get my stuff in order.
-N
Edit!: Jessie has suggested, quite wisely, that I should go do something I'm better at, like talking about things. Maybe podcasting, even. Ideas?
Lewis and Clark
This is probably one of those stories where you had to be there for it to be remotely amusing.
A few days ago, Jane and I were in early morning mode, drinking coffee and reading the paper. It's March, basketball tournament time, and I read in the sports page that a girl's team from Spokane had lost by a single point.
"Poor Lewis and Clark" I blurted out. Jane didn't even look up from reading about the earthquake in Chile, or something like that. "They've been dead years," meaning, 'what are you talking about?'
I just burst out laughing. Now she looks up, a bit miffed.
"What?"
Honey, Lewis and Clark is a high school in Spokane.
"I didn't know that."
I'm reading the sports page.
"I didn't know that."
The LC girls just lost a game in the . . . "I didn't know that," she said even before I finished, meaning, and I don't CARE about that either.
Anyway, I thought it was funny, so when I blurted out the sports news this morning, that both the Shadle Park boys and girls teams lost tournament games on the same day, I made sure to explain in detail.
She still didn't care all that much!
A few days ago, Jane and I were in early morning mode, drinking coffee and reading the paper. It's March, basketball tournament time, and I read in the sports page that a girl's team from Spokane had lost by a single point.
"Poor Lewis and Clark" I blurted out. Jane didn't even look up from reading about the earthquake in Chile, or something like that. "They've been dead years," meaning, 'what are you talking about?'
I just burst out laughing. Now she looks up, a bit miffed.
"What?"
Honey, Lewis and Clark is a high school in Spokane.
"I didn't know that."
I'm reading the sports page.
"I didn't know that."
The LC girls just lost a game in the . . . "I didn't know that," she said even before I finished, meaning, and I don't CARE about that either.
Anyway, I thought it was funny, so when I blurted out the sports news this morning, that both the Shadle Park boys and girls teams lost tournament games on the same day, I made sure to explain in detail.
She still didn't care all that much!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
A bit of history: Papa's granddad
While I was in Spokane, I asked Papa about where his family was from, and we got to talking about the history of the family in Kansas. I was hoping to get some sense of the family's cultural identity, since... well, I don't have one. For starters, Papa has no idea where or when his family immigrated from- but they've been here a long time. His granddad had been a coal miner in Virginia, as his dad before him. At some point, he decided to start homesteading, and the family- the whole family, moved east to homestead. They started out to farm in Iowa, and eventually resettled and claimed land in Kansas to raise wheat. Papa's grandparents, and his grandmother's sisters, were all out in the same area. Papa told me he wished that he knew his grandfather, he sounded like an interesting guy. (Papa did get to know his grandmother.) He was known to say that he would never set foot in a slave-state (which explains Kansas). He was very religious as well. He used to walk around a lot, and collect rocks. The rocks he collected, he used to build a small chapel in Rollins County. There hadn't been a church there, and the little chapel served as a place for visiting ministers to preach. The chapel may still be standing.
By the time his parents were coming up, all the land in the area was spoken for, and they lived in Atwood proper. Because this whole generation had moved out and homesteaded in the same county, they were able to share labor. Papa got to go out to his aunt Lizzie's farm and help as a kid.
By the time his parents were coming up, all the land in the area was spoken for, and they lived in Atwood proper. Because this whole generation had moved out and homesteaded in the same county, they were able to share labor. Papa got to go out to his aunt Lizzie's farm and help as a kid.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
So much to tell!
The best thing I did in preparation for post-committee meeting celebration was to plan to take a trip to Spokane to visit Nana and Papa. I just got back from a nearly 4 day hiatus with them (aahhh). Nana kept us just the right amount of busy. On Saturday, the whole family went to the the Community Quilters Meeting, and then enjoyed the Spokane Potter's Guild empty bowls fundraiser. For those unfamiliar, the potters make bowls, you pick one which gets filled with chili (and corn bread, and fry-bread, and anything else you stuff in it), and you get to eat the chili and keep the bowl. Brilliant! Nana also took me to the Community Theater performance of Steel Magnolias (*sniffle*), and to the library's brown bag book sale- because despite what Papa says, she does like to spoil me. The weather was beautiful, the grandparents are in good health and I got a lot of sleep- which is Papa's way of spoiling me. I may have gone overboard trying to explain the process of committee meetings, defense and matriculation to Papa- and I know I lost him when I started talking about my career plans (What are you going to use a PhD in Biology for in policy??). Maybe I'll address this in a future post- like when I've got it figured out. Speaking of future posts, I did get a couple more Papa stories- due out, well, soon.
But man, what a great weekend. And just in time- things that I found acutely irritating last week suddenly seem manageable, and I am ready to jump back on the wagon (or leap out from under it).
And getting back into life post-committee meeting, Matt and I went to see Rodrigo y Gabriela live at the Byham Theater tonight. For those who aren't already devoted fans- Rodrigo y Gabriela DON'T play flamenco music- they are from Mexico City for crying out lout- but I think you could be forgiven for saying their unique rock is highly reminiscent of it. In the second half of the show, cameras were added to the scroll so you could watch the UNBELIEVABLY FAST finger work and knuckle drumming. It was still a bit too fast to see, but I got a better appreciation for what my eyes could not resolve. Very talented pair, very energetic show.
But man, what a great weekend. And just in time- things that I found acutely irritating last week suddenly seem manageable, and I am ready to jump back on the wagon (or leap out from under it).
And getting back into life post-committee meeting, Matt and I went to see Rodrigo y Gabriela live at the Byham Theater tonight. For those who aren't already devoted fans- Rodrigo y Gabriela DON'T play flamenco music- they are from Mexico City for crying out lout- but I think you could be forgiven for saying their unique rock is highly reminiscent of it. In the second half of the show, cameras were added to the scroll so you could watch the UNBELIEVABLY FAST finger work and knuckle drumming. It was still a bit too fast to see, but I got a better appreciation for what my eyes could not resolve. Very talented pair, very energetic show.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)