Dissertation, Done! and a seminar primer

I turned in my dissertation today! Hand delivered to each of my committee members (except for the one who left for Atlanta this morning, but he doesn't mind), who each recieved it with varying degrees of ambivalence and dread. I realize that this milestone for me is actually the starter's gun for them. I finished writing 200 pages! Now you have to read it! Needless to say, this drained the excitement out of the moment like a whistling slow leak on a bike tire. In fact, while hanging around waiting for various committee members to be available, I ended up chatting with enough of my peers to acknowlege that Yes, I am graduating in 9 days and No, I don't know what I'll do next, but Yes, Dr. Boss won't be paying me in September. What should have been excitement about a writing break, quickly turned into acute panic about my employment status. Ugh.

In the next nine days, I am hoping to find some jobs to apply for and prepare my seminar. I've had the privilege of going to some other defenses lately, which reminded me that people who don't do this often might like a primer on The Seminar.

I'll be giving my seminar in a lecture hall, which will hopefully feel well attended. The only people required to be there are my committee members- you'll recognize them by having a 200 page document they bring with them. They might flip through it while I talk- this is not rude. Those of you in attendance will get to see me sweating about projector set ups as early as 12:30. At 1pm sharp- or whenever all my committee members have assembled, Dr. Boss will stand up and give a brief introduction. Some faculty like to tell embarrassing stories or get choked up. Fortunately Dr. Boss will say something fairly flattering and professional, but don't expect a well rehearsed speech. The last time he introduced me he admitted my project was "something of a mid-life crisis that turned into a really great opportunity to work with Dr. Rockstar. Here's Sandlin!" "...?" I guess I am saying, don't read to much into whatever he says.

Then I will talk for about an hour. For those not already familiar with my work, I would hope you can understand the first slide or two, and you can be awakened for the slide titled Conclusions. I've decided to keep my acknowledgments strictly professional (people sometimes take the opportunity to publicly thanks their family and friends. I don't think I can do that with dry eyes, and I need my professional dignity for the committee meeting), so I'll probably go through three slides of collaborators and people who've taught me techniques, and then I'll say "and with that, I'll take any questions." Everyone will clap- but it's not over yet! Now is not a good time to take phone calls! Dr. Boss will jump up to moderate any questions, and everyone will stay in their seats to hear what is asked and how I respond. Anyone is welcome to ask questions, but please keep in mind the above regarding my professional dignity. I've seen a spouse ask a devastatingly prescient question the graduate had no response for, and everyone felt awkward about it. Hopefully this won't drag on more than 15 minutes. After that, Dr. Boss will say something about reconvening the committee, and everyone will clap again, and leave. I'll break down my computer while everyone else shuffles out, and then race upstairs to the conference room for my committee meeting. I know it may seem tempting to do otherwise, but this is the peak of my professional career, so no matter how flustered, or blubbery or astoundingly brilliant I seem, please don't come give me kisses, yet! Just brave smiles and I am off to The Defense. This is the end of the part you'll see.

After that, I'll have a meeting with my committee. I actually have no idea what will happen in there, but I expect it will be an hour or two. Eventually, I will be on the receiving end of 1,000 pages of comments and some congratulatory handshakes. Those in attendance are welcome to retire to their hotel, or hang out at my desk and harass my coworkers- they love funny stories! - since this is probably where I will head first to deposit 1000 pages. Those in absentia can expect texts before 5pm EST. Once Dr. Boss is out of sight, pile on the hugs and kisses, my professional obligations for the day are over! I promise I'll come hunting for family to hug no matter where you are, so go ahead and enjoy a nap or a lemonade or something else to kill the time.