It's a problem you'd love to have

Like several other thousand people on the internet, I follow a blog called WhiteWhine, which is a collection of first world problems- people complaining about the weather on their tropical vacation or being mellow-dramatic about technology. It is a good to keep in perspective that the problems I have are problems other people want. You know, "I have soo much produce in my fridge, I'll be eating chilean blueberries and hot house tomotoes until I turn colors," and "It sucks to have to pick between only a few awesome vacations every year..." as examples of problems I actually have.

But the big problem I have that I feel like a jerk whining about is graduating. I know, graduating itself isn't a problem, and there are plenty of people who've worked much harder and achieved more that wouldn't waste a moment whining about it. Actually, this is part of the problem with being the first to graduate, both in my class, and in my cohort at lab- I am surrounded by people who are envious of my predicament. Boohoo- I have to write my dissertation so I can get a PhD. Doesn't that sound lame? I hardly have anytime between publishing all these papers to look for my dream job. Who doesn't want that problem? I am really worried/slightly overwhelmed by it, but I don't expect much sympathy at work.

On the one hand, I am embarrassed by how easy this has been for me- I've never spent the night at lab (although I've been there at all shades of odd hours), I should be able to publish- maybe more than once, I've had the luxury of being really indulgent with my time, starting up WISC, teaching bioethics and still kept this ship on track. I am actually graduating well ahead of the department average, and I managed to tick all the essential boxes on the way (even though it often seemed like that would never happen). And I think I have little bit a guilt about my luck, too. This is a field where hard work does not equate success, and I guess that goes both directions. Don't get me wrong, I've worked hard, and consistently, but so have my classmates, and they aren't graduating yet. It would be crass of me to complain about how I have SO much to get done for manuscript #4 before I can start writing (oh yeah, there are 4 manuscripts now- who knew the first one would open the floodgates), even though I am actually not sure I can get it all done in the 2.5 weeks I have left.

I really valued hearing about the process from other graduate students before I had to do this on my own, so I know my coworkers are being sincere when they ask me about it. But it is really hard to describe what I am going through without coming off as a braggart.

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Just then my phone rang, and now I am always answering it without looking, as if Noel would possibly be calling me from some novel area code, and not, say, his own phone. I wonder if they will even still have telemarketers by the time Tyler has a phone.