Closer, Ever Closer

I think the strangest thing, for me, are those moments when I realize that any moment, it could start. Let’s be honest, most of the time we just sort of pass through our lives, making tiny decisions, but mostly just cruising through ruts worn by decisions we’ve made in the past. Not like that’s bad, really, it’s certainly less stressful. But at any moment, it could be Time. Capital T. At any moment Jess could give me a call or yell from upstairs (she’s napping) that it’s time for us to start the next chapter, and all of a sudden it’s Time. Life pops into stark relief and you are torn between trying to get past something so tough and taxing, and at the same time wanting to remember every moment, because this is one of those big ones.

Except for the pain, though. And that really bugs me, actually. I read somewhere that, according to the W.H.O., once you get an epidural, your birth can no longer be considered ‘normal.’ Why? The pain is not productive, it’s just painful. And even more obnoxious, in a way, is how we are forced to talk about it. It can be 'tough' or there can be 'pressure' or some other platitude. It hurts! It's horrible pain! Let's not kid ourselves!

There’s no reason at all to get all excited about how much hurting you have to go through. The pain is a symptom of progress, it is a sign that things are happening, but we are intelligent animals, we don’t need horrible, repeating pain to let us know that something big is going down. Let’s be honest with ourselves: if there was a switch we could throw to turn off labor pains, childbirth would be *better*. It’s frustrating, is all.

Mom Swanson is here, for an undetermined amount of time. We got her a 1-way ticket and, lucky us, Tyler decided not to show up early. We are 1 week away from the official due date, too. Everything still normal, but we are closer and closer at every moment. It’s very exciting, though there’s every chance he’ll just be two weeks late and I’ll run out of excitement-juice.

In more mundane news, we’ve ordered a freezer, which will be nice, because our current one is bursting at the seams. We went to the farmers market and the library today. The market was cool especially because we got to get some basics, and for not too much more than normal. We got some milk (I’m excited to compare), eggs, and some staple produce for only a touch more than it would cost at the supermarket. That’s exciting, to me, the idea that a farmers market could pass from a simple diversion to something really utilitarian and useful.

I also bought myself a book. The bread baker’s apprentice. You should look it up on amazon. It’s for serious bread people. The instructions are very, very explicit and there’s whole chapters dedicated to just explaining the process. I plan to make a loaf or two this weekend, it could be really nice.

King cake party went off without a hitch. I’ll put some pictures up later, Dragon Age 2 came out and I am excited, though if Tyler shows up I may not have any time to play it. We got a second bid for the termites that was 1400 more than our first bid. And my weight is creeping up so I’m trying to cut back on food, again. Which is why I just ate a whole bunch of graham crackers and frosting. Curse you, self-control!

-N