Babywatch: Liveblog Part Something

8:59 AM. Doing our best to rest

Oh, man, where to begin.

So we got the orders to start pushing and Jessie gave it her all, and I mean her *all*. We were getting three or four pushes per contraction every time, Jess was getting red in the face and the contraction monitor was going crazy. At one point the nurse commented that the pushes looked like ‘metal hands’ ( \m/ for those of you who know what that looks like). And Tyler was starting to come right down the birth canal. You could even just make out the top of his head on each push. So Jessie kept going and going and Tyler got incrementally closer each time. Everyone was excited, the nurse even tried to stay for a few hours just so she could witness the birth, which would surely be any moment now...

But the pushing continued, Tyler would come a little farther each time and then just slip back. The nurses gave some exams and it looked like he should have been able to come out, he had space, but he just wasn’t making the journey. Jess kept pushing and pushing and pushing, doing as much as she could over and over. The doctor came by and recommended cranking up the drugs to give a stronger contraction and giving Jess a chance to rest. So we did that. For a while it was just me and her in the room and despite the presence of massive painkillers in her *spinal cord*, she was starting to feel the contractions again. I would talk her through them the best I could (I helped!) but Jess was not enjoying herself.

So after the rest, we resumed pushing, but I could tell Jess just didn’t have the energy for it anymore. She was doing her best, doing AMAZING, but clearly all the effort had taken a toll on her, and Tyler was *marginally* closer, but still wasn’t coming out.

Thats when things started to get a little scary.

Jess started shivering. Not a little, like full-on, Hypothermia-in-the-movies shivering. The nurses didn’t seem to be worried, so I took it in stride, but Jess hated it. HATED IT. She was trying to get warm, but didn’t have any real luck, even when they brought in some fresh-from-the heater blankets, which is a real luxury, as I’m sure you can imagine. Still shivering. Another hour or so of pushing, but still no baby to show for it.

Then Jess started throwing up.

I can tell you with certainty, watching my wife go through contractions, uncontrolled shivering, and vomiting at the same time is the second scariest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life, and it lasted way longer than that stupid white water rafting trip. And she had nothing to come up, just water and bile. And then after the throwing up, the contractions started to really hurt her, to the point where it was interfering with her ability to push well. We had given the epidural as many pushes as it would allow, but still no pain relief. Jess didn’t look good at all, she was just saying ‘it hurts, it hurts’, over and over, a horrible thing to hear. No yelling, though, but I think she just didn’t have the energy. Eventually we called for the anesthesiologist, who was going to be able to give jess a stronger dose of medicine. Of course, he took his sweet time getting there, and Jess was suffering all the time. It was really bad.

Finally, thankfully, the calvary arrived: the anesthesiologist and our doctor. The pain Doc gave jess a shot of some more painkillers and within just a few minutes she was looking loads better: a huge weight off my chest, let me assure you.

Oh, and I missed a step. Somewhere during that last orgy of pushing, pain, and shivering, one of the nurses took Jessie’s temp and showed it discretely to the rest of us, but not to jessie. 102.7. No wonder she was shivering, she was running one heck of a fever. They had her catheter-ized, too, and the sample wasn’t looking to clean. Not enough to start panicking, but enough to prick up some ears.

So, post pain-relief, the doctor came and talked with us about our options: either using a vacuum to help the baby come out or a c-section. We asked her what she recommended, and she said she would feel like trying the vacuum but, “I don’t have a crystal ball or anything.” To which I responded. “Well we have even less crystal than you.” I thought that was pretty clever. After a little more thought, though, after which we remembered that I was a C-baby because my head was so big, Jessie had to have her clavicle broken to fit out of her mom, and Tyler was already a week-and-a-bit overdue, it was starting to seem a little more risky. So we decided, instead, to go for the C-section. After that decision was made, everyone seemed to feel a lot better. Jess wasn’t going to have to hurt anymore, we were going to be sure to get the baby out...the best decision, all around.

So this was at around 10:00 last night, I think. I’d have to double-check the numbers. Jess got all prepped up, and I got my outer-wear on and had my camera in hand. They took her off to get her started, first, and I waited around in the room with mom Swanson until they were ready for me. Then I came in and saw jess on her side of the sheet. I didn’t look on the other side. Jess was still shivering, but at least she was totally numb from the boobs down. She was still shivering and completely hating it, but I did my best to give her some eye contact and help her relax. She liked looking in my eyes. After just a few minutes, Jess started making faces and the nurses and doctors on the other side kept saying things like ‘you’ll feel some pressure’. No pain, just pressure, but rather a lot of very strange pressure, by the sounds of it.

They told me the head was out, and I peeked over, being a little afraid of fainting, I was okay, though, and I saw his head peaking out of a bunch of stuff. I tried not to think about the stuff, too much. Then a little bit more and there he was. I stood up and saw Baby Tyler, all born and everything. And really purple.

I sat back down with Jess for a while, and we heard a little cry or two. Within just a few moments he was breathing great and getting some really good color. They put him under the heat lamp and let me come over to see him. He’s so cute, and he has a pretty good head of hair! His head was pretty conical from all the pushing, but nothing dramatic. And the numbers:

22 inches long (pretty normal)
7 lbs, 15 Oz (they originally thought 7, 2, but it turned out to be a misscalibrated scale. Also normal)
13 inch head (also normal)
Apgar 1: 7
Apgar 5: 9

Turns out he was kinda sideways, so he wasn’t coming out well. So we *may* have been able to deliver him normally, but on balance, I still think the less risky path was the right one to take. Pretty obnoxious of him to be so darn *normal* sized and still so hard to deliver, though.

And boy howdy was he ready to go when he got out, too. He was attempting to pee on the nurses within 30 seconds of being out of jessie, and the other waste disposal unit started working right away, too. I watched them take measurements and foot stamps and everything, and then they swaddled him up and let me cary him around the operating room. I kept at a distance, I really didn’t want to be in the way for the last bit of the procedure. I watched a little bit more of the end of the surgery (again, not much, don’t want to faint with my son in my arms) where they had jess open with a little plastic funnel and were getting all of her bits back inside. Gross. Eventually they finished all that up and gave her a nice, neat bandage. Then they slipped an inflatable mattress underneath and lifted her into her recovery bed. She was still shivering at this point, but it was getting better. We went back to our room and I got to hand Tyler off to Grandma Swanson, who called her side of the family to deliver the good news. We talked with the nurses about a few things we were going to do, and then we fed Tyler. Jess was fully out of it, but all we had to do was turn her on her side and put Tyler next to her and he just fed and fed for a good half hour on one side and another 10 minutes on the other. Hungry kid. He seemed to feed quite well.

Then they took him off to get some blood from him for tests, and give him his first set of shots. He cried, of course, but settled down pretty well after that. A good swaddling seemed to calm him down a lot. We got back to the room and got a few more baby basic lessons (how to burp a newborn!) and then the hospital pediatrician came in. (Note: Tyler is fine, so no worries about any of the rest of this. It all ends well.)

They called our selected pediatrician office, and essentially decided that since Jess had a fever and a bit of oddly colored urine that there was some risk that the amniotic fluid had gotten infected. In that case, the usual plan is that our pediatrician transfers responsibility to the hospital pediatrician, who then puts the baby on antibiotics, mostly ‘just in case’. So we had some time with Tyler and then I walked him upstairs to the nursery where they checked him in. He’s been in there ever since, having forumla and getting IV stuff every once in a while and mostly just sleeping, as newborns are wont to do. I can go in and visit him anytime we want, and we’ll get him back in our room probably tomorrow morning.

Which meant we got some time to rest, such as it was. They moved us upstairs to the post-delivery rooms, mom swanson went home to sleep, and I opened up the couch and tried to get some ZZZs. Jess kept getting woken up, first by a blood oxygen monitor that kept beeping when she didn’t take slow, even breaths, so...essentially every time she fell asleep, it would wake her up. They turned that of for her, eventually. Then every couple of hours someone would come in to give her more antibiotics, or painkillers, or take blood, or whatever they felt that they had to do. I managed to sleep through much of it and get a few solid hours of sleep, a blessing.

So to the morning. Mom Swanson brought me breakfast and some donuts for the nurses, who have been doing such a good job for us. I deconstructed and have been munching on the fruit for breakfast (thanks, Aunt Shannon!) and we’ve already checked in on Tyler a few times. Jess is up and walking, though unsteadily, and is drinking simple juices and everything. We’ve got pictures (I’ll send them out in just a second) and everyone is recovering well.

And so now I’m a dad.

-N

We are still pushing

Yes it sucks.

9:31 update

All is well, mom and baby are healthy, but we're going in for a C-section because Tyler doesn't look like he's going to fit out and we've tired out Jessie plenty.

I feel much better about this decision. We both do.

We're pushing!

No time to write! Any minute now!

Babywatch: Liveblog Part 8

17:20 Oh man the wait is killing me!

We met the doctor that will be delivering Tyler a while ago. Our original doctor swapped on call days with her, but we aren’t particularly attached to one doctor or another. Whoever feels like getting the baby out is fine with us.

Jess is having a bit more rough of a time now, but she just keeps marveling at how much worse it would be if she didn’t have an epidural. We’re almost certainly in the ‘transition’ stage now, which is the one that really, really hurts. The contractsion are about a minute apart, and barely is one done than when the next starts. Yay for medicine.

Still, though, I’m back on ‘staring in the eyes and helping breathe’ duty. Which does make me feel like I’m helping. Jess keeps telling me I’m helping a lot. Just laying my hand on her stomach is an effective painkiller. It’s like I’ve got superpowers or something.

Mom Swanson is keeping Jessie supplied with cold washclothes on the forehead, even though the last one dripped in her ear. Heh.

We’ve given a few button pushes, which does seem to help, but the remaining pain is higher on her belly, above where he epidural is most effective. Not nearly as bad as it could be, I’m sure, but still there. We suspect that this is Tyler trying to push his way out. Finally on our side, it seems, quite decent of him.

Still no orders to push yet, but we are so close!

-N

Babywatch: Liveblog Part 7

16:36 Holy crap 9 cm!

Jess was complaining that she was hurting a little more, and we had given the epidural button a couple of pushes. The nurse came in to check and it turns out that Jessie is at 9 cm! Out of nowhere! No wonder she’s feeling a little uncomfortable. Also, he’s definitely dropped into position. The excitement level has shot up from ‘mom still napping’ to ‘oh, man, so excited!’ Jess is eating some ice chips to store up ‘energy’ because before too long now, there’s going to be some pushing and then a BABY!

-N

Babywatch: Liveblog Part 6

15:41 Shhhhh

Everyone is asleep! More or less. I konked out first, a few times, I think. I was a little sleepy and everything was relaxed, so I wanted to get some Zs before everything went crazy again. I was out for a few minutes when there was a knock on the door and in came a fruit delivery. Shannon had sent us a fruit arrangement, which was very nice. Now I know why she was asking which hospital we are in. It’s a little odd because it’s so much food and jessie isn’t allowed to eat anything, but I appreciate it. I’m going to go nom on some chocolate-covered pineapples pretty soon here. After that, I tried to sleep again, but the doctor came in for another exam. I woke up for that. 4 cm, so continuous progress is being made, yay and hoorah.

After that final interruption, I did manage to sleep for a good half-hour or so and drool all over my pillow. Jess has been napping on and off. I don’t think she’s been properly asleep that much, especially because they like to keep her moving every half-hour or so, it’s supposed to help with labor progress. Mom Swanson has, also, taken her turn on the couch. It’s actually a pretty neat couch: each half of the couch pulls out into a long bed. I pulled out one half for me. Mom Swanson fits on the couch when it’s closed.

And other than those intriguing but unimportant details, there is, thankfully, nothing to report. Jessie continues to labor away under to comforting blanket of painkillers, Tyler’s heart rate is hopping right along like the happy little chappy he is, and there’s not much for us to do but wait until someone tells us to push.

Well...us....her, really.

-N

P.S. I Just realized that if I time this right, I could make the announcement of Tyler's arrival post #600. Which would be cool, but I'm not going to try too hard.

Babywatch: Liveblog Part 5

12:45 Aaaaaaaaaaah.

The epidural is in, and everything seems to be going much, much, much better.

Jess was laboring away, really uncomfortable (read: in pain) but not being loud or yelling or anything. She said she didn’t have enough energy to yell. I was doing my best, keeping eye contact and trying to help her breathe, but there’s only so much you can do when it’s not your body on the line. We went through that for a couple of hours, and then Jess decided that since these labor pains were only going to get *worse*, that she might as well get the epidural before everything became to painful to sit up.

The monitor is great, by the way. It was really nice to have while Jessie was laboring without the painkillers because we could use it to distract her, show her the contraction ending, and know when a new one may be about to start. I can also watch Tyler’s heart rate. It’s fun when it jumps around, he’s clearly awake and getting jostled around a bit in there.

Anyway, the pain doctor showed up after just a few more contractions and set about his work. He was efficient and practiced and walked Jessie through every step. She was worried about the whole process, but she did quite well, and it didn’t hurt her nearly as much as she was worried she might. I, for the most part, looked elsewhere. I was told I didn’t ‘look’ like a fainter, but I figured that would just make it even more embarrassing when I fainted. I certainly didn’t look at her back, but I did steal a few peeks while the needle was in. I remember looking over and seeing the needle jutting out of her back. A drop of liquid came out, too. Gross. Other than that, I mostly looked away. The nurse was helping Jessie with her posture, so there wasn’t much for me to do other than try and stay conscious, which I did.

Now the drugs seem to be working just fine, and Jess is doing much, much better. Her legs are pain-killed, but not totally numb, and she has been able to cary on normal conversations and everything. She looks 100% better, which is great for me to see. She’s even so relaxed that she’s taking a nap...during labor! Science is so great!

I’ve been watching the peaks slowly rise and fall on the monitor, the contractions continue at their regular pace. Looks like one every two minutes or so: right on track. I went down to get some lunch while everything was more relaxed (fish, carrots, and rice, yum!) and now that I’m well fed, Jessie’s Mom is off getting her lunch.

So since all is well, I’m going to take a nap, too.

-N

Babywatch: Liveblog Part 4

9:22 Another quick break

Jess was having some nice, semi-regular contractions for a while there, but less so, now. At least, according to the monitors. She’s still feeling something, and they’re slowly cranking up the induction drug bit by bit to help her ramp up. She’s definitely got some ‘uncomfortable-face’ going on, but nothing dramatic and painful yet. I’ve been reading to her to pass the time and let her relax her eyes and her...everything else, really. I do my best. Hopefully the real labor will start pretty soon and we can get on our way to helping Tyler get out.

-N

11:25 Off to the races

We’re definitely in labor now. The contractions are periodic and regular, and Jess is pretty miserable. I’m doing my best with breathing and looking into her eyes. Not much more to report past that. We’re considering epidurals, and I think we’ve sent for the anesthesiologist. Other than that, we’re just trying to get through each contraction as it comes, offering Jess whatever support I can give to her.

-N

Babywatch: Liveblog Part 3

8:25 AM

Man, I keep getting worried that at any moment this will be my last entry as things get all crazy. Apologies if I build this up as some big thing and then fail to follow through, but I’m here for Jessie, not for you. :)

The drip started at 8:15 this morning, and still nothing dramatic. The doctor has checked in and we’ll be breaking the water pretty soon. Things are happening!

8:39 AM
Doctor visit one has come and gone. We’ve broken the water, so we have at most 24 hours from here, though I doubt they’d let it go that far. Jess is on her back and doing her best to relax, and the contractions are definitely more pronounced on the monitor, if not the pain scale, which is good.

Oh, wait, I lied. Jess is starting to feel it. I may stop writing so that I can help Jessie out.

-N

Babywatch: Liveblog Part 2

8:03 We’re waiting for Tyler to wake up. He was probably asleep when we first go here, low heart rate and not a lot of motion. But getting Jessie some fluids and having her lay on her side has gotten him wide awake. We’re going to wait just a little longer to be sure, and then we’ll start the drip. Watching his heart rate monitor go up and down (within tolerances) is quite a sight to see. He’s getting excited, too. Mom and Jessie are both reading to pass the time. It’s a good thing we brought some entertainment.

I’ll be posting these things randomly, as I get the time to do them, so there may be a lot all at once. I don’t actually know what I’m doing, so this whole experiment may fall apart.

-N

Babywatch: Liveblog Part 1

Wednesday, 30 March, 2011

6:05 AM
We woke up this morning to the smell of bacon. Not a bad way to start a day. We’ve had breakfast of bacon and eggs and sausage and english muffins made by Jessie’s mom. Jessie thought she would be too nervous to eat, but it turns out she’s just fine. We’re done eating and all ready to go...and, of course, we’re too early.

(Prediction: a few entries at the beginning, and then a big jump to ‘woah, that was crazy...the baby is here!’)

7:42 AM

We’ve gotten past the preliminaries at the hospital, all checked in and set up in the room and everything. I, of course, had to make sure we didn’t actually show up in the hospital too early, because Jessie would have gotten us here at least a half hour early if it was just up to her. Check in went very smoothly and we’re currently sitting in our assigned room, very nice and spacious, just like in the tour we did before. The lights are low and relaxing but Jessie was completely nervous when she first came in the door. She said she almost cried but Noel helped her through it. I feel very dad-like.

The first few nurses have come and gone, and we’ve gotten medical history typed in, and have signed a million consent forms telling use we’re risking brain damage and paralysis just by being here. A little nervous to sign those. Then Jessie got an IV put in, maybe the first one she’s ever been conscious for. We practiced the breathing exercises while they put the needle in and it totally helped, so already that class has paid for itself.

Jess has a few fetal monitors on her right now and we can hear Tyler’s heart slowly...okay, quickly beating away in the background. We also have some contraction monitors on and evidently Jess has been having some sporadic contractions this entire time. So that’s good news, I guess. I suppose as soon as the drugs get administered, the contractions will get much stronger.

We’re about the start the drugs. Excitement!

-N

What to do, what to do...

So what should one do with the last day of your life? Turns out, very little. You can’t really make a lot of plans, because you might be really, really busy at any moment. And there really isn’t much *productive* to do, because if you’ve done your homework, there really isn’t a whole lot more prep work left to accomplish before the baby shows up. In fact, I’ve already gone past ‘prep work for baby’ and have moved onto ‘things it would be nice to get done before the baby shows up’ which, as you can imagine, contains an infinite number of chores that you can do as many times as you want. And even further, I’ve gone past that and onto the ‘oh, whatever, let’s just veg out’ stage where you’ve spent so much time doing random chores in order to both pass the time and ‘get ready’ that sitting around all day playing video games or watching TV isn’t really a bad idea.

I am also looking forward to not getting the ‘what are you doing here’ from co-workers every time I come into work. Let’s just get this thing on the road, okay?

I like babies more than Jessie does. I think the little ones are cute, so I’m excited to see little feet and little hands and little eyes and little yawns, though I do recognize that kids aren’t really that interesting for the first few weeks and months of life. They get better as time goes on and they can go running and playing with you. But I’m excited to have my finger grabbed by a little hand. After that, no interest at parenthood at all.

Yes, I’m kidding, calm down.

We’ve drawn up a ‘schedule’ for the first few months, all the visitors penned in. And that’s just the ones we know about. Mostly I’m doing it so I can try and figure out when to get the damn bugs killed in my house. I’m hoping it won’t be too taxing a chore, and so lots of extra help won’t be needed. But mostly, looking at the schedule, it just looks like we have a LOT of people excited to come see this little bundle. So popular already: I guess this is what comes of being first.

I’ve decided that when Jess goes into Labor, and I’m told it hurts quite a lot, I’m going to pull a ‘roller derby’. That’s where I’m allowed to be as scared and pensive and worried as I want, but Jess won’t know about it. Well, she’ll know in that I’ve already told her of my plan, but I’m hoping to be as stoic, strong, and helpful as I can be. I’ll let her know about ‘scared’ afterwords. After she gets some sleep.

I’ve told everyone at work that I’ll be out until April 18, a good two and a half weeks for me to get adjusted to being a dad. Though at this point my hopes and my expectations have been pegged so strangely by people telling me horror stories about babies and labor and everything else that I’m half expecting to be completely thrown off when I’m not driven to suicidal depression inside of a week of being a dad. Like I’ve mentioned before, though, I tend to take foreign advice with a few good grains of salt.

Jess is doing pretty well, for a woman with her ‘condition.’ I consider missing a grand total of 3 days of work during a pregnancy to be a mark of heroism. Tyler’s descent is starting to push on a nerve in her leg, and the best treatment appears for me to push on her butt, which, lets face it, isn’t a bad job, if you can get it.

I think I’m going to go vacuum the house. You know, before Tyler gets here.

-N

Status update

I've been overtly hinting that there is a lot going on here, so a quick summary of the ever changing landscape of a near graduating grad student.

Manuscript 1: Recently rejected, still on track for eventual publication

Manuscript 2: In the hands of my collaborators, and then going directly to Dr. Boss before submission to publication (read: I'm done, I think)

Manuscript 3: This is mostly going to be a project for my undergrad, but this week I finished my contribution to this until the summer. In the summer, we may both be working on this story full time.

Manuscript 4: This is a new, and short, collaboration with the collaborator on Manuscript 1- I am on track to finish this in time to start writing.

93 days until defense, 16 days until I start writing. I keep setting this as a date, I plan to stop all experiments for 2 months to write like a crazy person. I might not come in to work- I'll see what is effective for me. Job hunt is slowed by the business of above, but I am on the hunt for science policy, or applied science jobs, or jobs that involve technical communication. Since I don't have a finish date here in Dr. Boss's lab (assume end of the summer, but this will depend on how Manuscripts 1 and 3 shake out), there is still lots of time on the clock to find something- if you hear of anyone looking to hire, send them my way!

Getting even readier

At the moment I’m kneading one batch of bread dough (two loaves, version 2) in the machine while another batch of bread dough (two loaves, version 1) rises on the counter. As soon as it’s done spinning, I’m going to go shopping for some ingredients to make casseroles that I can freeze in our new freezer. I’m hoping to make curry chicken pot pie and maybe a couple of others. Tonight I’ll make pizza dough, let it rise in the fridge overnight, and then partially bake it so it rises and starts to set, then freeze the dough so later we can make pizza by just thawing the dough, putting on the toppings, and letting it finish baking. So I have all of this stuff to do and it would be *really inconvenient if Jessie went into labor right now, Tyler!*

...Darn, no luck.

Meanwhile, Jessie is taking a nap, but she is, simultaneously *creating a new human life*, so I think she’s still working harder than I am.

‘Last minute’ preparations continue, though really I’m about as ready to be a dad as it is possible to be (which, unfortunately, isn’t all that ready). I’m just doing things to help future-me get though the first few weeks of fatherhood as easily as possible. (I appreciate it, past-me! (You’re welcome, future-me!) ) Really, whenever Tyler decided he’s had enough of waiting, he’ll be along and we’ll just drop whatever random thing we’re working on and head off to deliver. Maybe I loose a batch or two of bread dough, big deal. There are worse fates.

Jessie has had the occasional contraction, and while the scientific method *clearly* demonstrates why this is a bad idea, it’s fun to attribute it to whatever was happening directly before. We were out at a mexican restaurant and Jessie tried some of my spicy fish. She got a few test-contractions afterwards, which makes me think that the idea of spicy fish is enough to lure Tyler from his home. I also got to try out my contraction calculator, but no periodic behavior was established. There was another one today when Jessie lunged to try and stop Tigger from eating Nagano’s shedded hair (why does he do that?) I told her if she went into labor I’d tell everyone it was our cats fault.

So contractions, which is progress of a sort. I’m still convinced that without assistance Tyler would stay in there quite a while longer, and that’s probably not good for either Mom or Baby, so I’m all in favor of induction. A few more days at most, which is enough time to get some more prep-cooking done. I’m going to go buy a couple of whole, cooked chickens and reduce them to their component atoms to save me some time when cooking up my casseroles.

-N

Rejected

Manuscript #1 got rejected, quite summarily. Dr. Boss thinks we should fight it- it is fairly obvious that one reviewer mostly liked it, and the other reviewer mostly didn't read it. I'm very happy to follow his lead on this, he is immediately thinking of things to do, and I just want to eat ice cream. His way seems more likely to get us published eventually.

Again: no baby...

...Though I’m looking forward to the time when I’m allowed to start phone conversations with something other than ‘no, not yet.’ Progress, of a sort, is being made. We were out having Mexican food and Jess felt a few contractions. Nothing harmonically stable, in the vein of actual labor, but it’s a step. I’m convinced, of course, that it was because she tried my spicy fish. Tyler doesn’t feel like coming out: what is there out here to offer him? But then, mom tries spicy fish and suddenly Tyler isn’t resting as comfortably anymore. Hmm...

Last-minute tasks continue to get knocked off the ‘to do’ list. I tend to forget that even after Tyler shows up I will have time to do things...just less of it. Still, whatever motivates, yes? We went shopping at Costco Wednesday, thinking this time about shopping like people with an empty freezer. We didn’t go totally bonkers. As nice as some of the deals are, they don’t *all* freeze, and some weren’t actually that great of a deal. We actually wrote down some numbers for comparison to what we’d get at our regular supermarket. Boring? Perhaps, but *numbers*. Also, I’ve become slightly paranoid about money ever since we learned about the termites.

So we’ve moved some food into our freezer, freeing up a BUNCH of space, and with the rest of my free time this afternoon I did some ‘gardening’. Not much, mind, just a little maintenance. I trimmed up the (hugely overgrown) rose bush and a few others, got some weeds out of our flower beds, did some raking, and planted some more buffalo grass on some bald spots on the lawn. We also make a stop by the local plant-store on the way home from Mexican food, picked up some compost and a few plants, both flowering and a few herbal. I’ve now got some rosemary, cilantro (never seem to have it when I want it), basil, thyme, and lavender, just for fun. Herb garden ahoy!

I am slightly perturbed that the lawn people decided, instead of actually mowing our lawn and hauling off the clippings, to just push our fall leaves off to the sides and under trees where there is little grass to begin with. I guess it might compost eventually, but that’s not good lawn care. My white whine knows no bounds!

I do my best to talk about things besides babies, but man, am I excited to be a dad.

-N

It's a problem you'd love to have

Like several other thousand people on the internet, I follow a blog called WhiteWhine, which is a collection of first world problems- people complaining about the weather on their tropical vacation or being mellow-dramatic about technology. It is a good to keep in perspective that the problems I have are problems other people want. You know, "I have soo much produce in my fridge, I'll be eating chilean blueberries and hot house tomotoes until I turn colors," and "It sucks to have to pick between only a few awesome vacations every year..." as examples of problems I actually have.

But the big problem I have that I feel like a jerk whining about is graduating. I know, graduating itself isn't a problem, and there are plenty of people who've worked much harder and achieved more that wouldn't waste a moment whining about it. Actually, this is part of the problem with being the first to graduate, both in my class, and in my cohort at lab- I am surrounded by people who are envious of my predicament. Boohoo- I have to write my dissertation so I can get a PhD. Doesn't that sound lame? I hardly have anytime between publishing all these papers to look for my dream job. Who doesn't want that problem? I am really worried/slightly overwhelmed by it, but I don't expect much sympathy at work.

On the one hand, I am embarrassed by how easy this has been for me- I've never spent the night at lab (although I've been there at all shades of odd hours), I should be able to publish- maybe more than once, I've had the luxury of being really indulgent with my time, starting up WISC, teaching bioethics and still kept this ship on track. I am actually graduating well ahead of the department average, and I managed to tick all the essential boxes on the way (even though it often seemed like that would never happen). And I think I have little bit a guilt about my luck, too. This is a field where hard work does not equate success, and I guess that goes both directions. Don't get me wrong, I've worked hard, and consistently, but so have my classmates, and they aren't graduating yet. It would be crass of me to complain about how I have SO much to get done for manuscript #4 before I can start writing (oh yeah, there are 4 manuscripts now- who knew the first one would open the floodgates), even though I am actually not sure I can get it all done in the 2.5 weeks I have left.

I really valued hearing about the process from other graduate students before I had to do this on my own, so I know my coworkers are being sincere when they ask me about it. But it is really hard to describe what I am going through without coming off as a braggart.

* * * *

Just then my phone rang, and now I am always answering it without looking, as if Noel would possibly be calling me from some novel area code, and not, say, his own phone. I wonder if they will even still have telemarketers by the time Tyler has a phone.

while we're waiting

Well, as long as we're all waiting for really important news, I thought I'd toss in the following pictures, just as a distraction.

Starting Monday, I'll be teaching a five-credit (five-days a week!!) class on "Public Speaking" to about 20 to 24 students at Walla Walla Community College. As part of my effort to prepare for this dramatic shift in focus, from writing to talking, I did a little recon on the classroom where all this higher learning will occur.

I was particularly eager to get the view from behind the podium, which has a built in laptop (Windows XP) and controls for the video projector with really clear, dummy-proof controls. Well I hope they're dummy proof because I really, really want to be able to gracefully move from projected image to blank screen to new image etc. thus creating the illusion of Master Communicator effortlessly plying the tools of the trade.

I fear that Mr. Murphy and his Law have not been repealed - - yet, but I'll try to keep the sputtering confusion ("is this thing on . . . which button do i push") to a minimum.

You may now resume normal pacing and waiting . . .

No News

Yes, we have no babies. The world, or at least my corner of it, waits with baited breath. How long must we endure before little Tyler graces us with his presence? How long?!? Of course, I feel the need to remind everyone that as of this moment, we’re still an hour and a half from being ‘late’, even. And first babies tend to be late. My money is on a few more days, but who knows? I am suspicious that baby Tyler recognizes that we are totally and completely ready for him at any moment, and so the most annoying thing, of course, would be to show up as late as possible. A tricky opponent, he is, but we will see who has the last laugh. (It will probably be him.)

I find myself fairy calm, even at this late hour. No doubt the adrenaline will start surging the moment the contractions start showing up, but I am not burdened with an extra 40 pounds of weight and a badly-functioning set of abdominal muscles, so the waiting, for me, isn’t particularly arduous. The man’s job is to be ready for stuff, and I’ve got the readiness, at least, as much as one can, pretty well down. I’ve been reading ‘ahead’ in my baby book, not because I think I’ll remember any of this stuff, but because I want to know what it is that I should be trying to remember later. I can always look it up when I need it, as long as I know it can be looked up. Years of taking open-book tests have taught me this, and having babies is the open-book-iest and test-iest of all tests.

Um...is there anything to write about other than babies? I guess. We got our new freezer in today, which is where we will be storing baby milk and frozen dinners to make while we are too busy with the baby...and big bulk items to eat when baby turns into a teenager. I guess it is all pretty baby-centric, I can understand why it is that parents seem to talk about nothing else. I’m playing video games...while waiting for the baby to show up. I’m going to work...until Jessie goes into labor. It’s babies all the way down.

So freezers, though, I’m trying to think of ways to keep the freezer in the house. There aren’t a whole lot of really convenient places to store the thing, really. We could fit it in the garage without too much trouble, but I worry about the freezer in the garage during the summer. There’s a lot of ambient heat for it to compete against out there. So I’d like to store it in the house, but we don’t have a lot of out of the way places to tuck it. So I have considered putting it in the office, but instead of just having it be a big, boring freezer, there, I want to decorate it so it looks like something cool. Maybe a crypt door, or a big, square R2D2, or a fake stereo, or any number of strange, art-deco contraptions. This is Austin, after all. The other thing to note, though, is that our big, fancy, stainless-steel fridge? It’s nice, but magnets don’t stick to stainless steel. A tragedy! With this freezer, we have plenty of ‘real estate’ with which to display macaroni turkeys and the like.

So in an attempt to make this blog not just about babies (I know it tended to drive me crazy when I was young and foolish) let’s talk about bread. I got myself a neat bread book that has really gotten me into trying some proper bread science. I’ve been making a similar, simple sandwich loaf to the one I have had before, but with a few refinements to my technique and, importantly, a notebook. As any PHD-bound sister of mine will tell you, it’s not science unless you are documenting your results. So far I only have a couple of attempts in there, but I’m documenting the temperature (which has clearly had a noticeable effect on rise times already) the different variety of ingredients, tasting notes, all sorts of things. It’s details like that that make you a really good baker, and that allow you, eventually, to start making stuff up. It’s quite gratifying, not the least of which because Jessie and Mom Swanson get super-appreciative when I make bread. Jess dislikes my new technique, though. I have to let the bread rest after getting out of the oven, which means a significant wait before we can chop into the fresh loaf, the house smelling of yeast and flour the entire time. Torturous.

-N

100 Days- and the next 23 days

They tell me that is takes 2 months to write a dissertation. This seems strangely arbitrary, but since I imagine that my dissertation will be relatively straightforward to write, as far as these things go, I am going to use that as my meter. More on that process later, but for now, I have an always expanding list of things to do before that mark. That is actually 23 days from now.

It boggles the mind to imagine how this is all just going to come together in the next 23 days. I'd imagined a steady transition from doing experiments to reading more and thinking heavily about my results and their context in the literature and finally putting that down in words. This steady transition I thought would happen this month. Instead, this month I am scrambling to cram in some extra science before a variety of deadlines. This is tough actually, in your last few months of grad school, almost every experiment is very purposeful, every experiment gets published. So if you stop doing experiments too soon, you publish less. This is the time in my career I MOST want to be at the bench, it is finally gratifying, and I am about to be ripped away to tackle the painful task of writing about it.

I am going to try to give myself some hard deadlines, because I think I will need every minute of my 2 months to get this document written, so I won't have time to spend some extra hours at the bench everyday. Not sure how else to set myself up for success- any ideas? I am also not sure how I am going to manage writing towards deadlines, once that chapter of my life starts, but I figure the first step is to clear my calender of benchwork so I can focus on one undertaking at a time.

BTW- today marks 100 days until I defend this document. 100 days until you can call me Doctor (hopefully).

My employment history

I may have mentioned recently, but one of the fellowships I am applying for wants my last 15 year of employment history. Since I don't actually HAVE 15 years of history, I am hoping to fill in as much as possible of what there is. But, I don't seem to remember what I was doing. Did I work after I came back from Portugal? Did I have a job before analytica? When did I start working at UAS? If anyone wants to help me brainstorm up these details, I'd appreciate the help.

Trying to get ready

I brainstormed a couple quick ideas for what to blog about today, I thought briefly "my tummy hurts." And then I thought that might seem unfair in the face of, well, the other major issue on my mind- I am going to be an Aunt "soon." I suspect sooner all the time. Maybe I should check my phone again, maybe I am an aunt already!

Not yet. But when I am, I'm going to be awesome at it. Because I am going to have pretty much the best nephew, the two go hand in hand quite well. I've been trying to imagine what that will feel like (and the actual parents can feel free to roll their eyes), but I am pretty sure this is going to be the coolest thing that will happen to me this year. And this is hopefully the year I get a real job, so the bar is pretty high. In all seriousness though, having an extra person just added into the family, well, that hasn't happened since Noel got married- and that went really well for me, too. I want to be awesome at it. There is a whole extra person- one who isn't even totally developed yet that I can influence, with explosive laughter and nerdy jokes. Someone who will make my world that much more exciting just by being in it. What a gift!

The phone still isn't ringing. I'm trying to imagine what it will feel like, for me, when I get the call that the little one is out in the world, and hopefully there are OMG-adorable pictures to follow. (I don't want to be demanding on the new family, but please let there be pictures). It's kinda weird not having people who can share in that excitement with me, or at least not to the same extent. My friends will be happy for me, but they don't get promoted to Auntdom, so surely they don't really get it. All the complex emotions- I'm related to someone who used to dig crystals out of a rock 'quarry' in the woods and collect dead bugs, and now he is going to have a bundle of pudge of his own. I guess I am trying to say, Noel and I were kids together- and now he is going to be really, 100% no-take-backs a grown-up. It makes me realize I've got some adult responsibilities now too- like to make the world the best possible place for my nephew. He deserves all the good things the world has to offer, and I need to get out there and make it happen! I surprise myself (and Matt) by feeling so strongly about this arrival, which will likely happen- which does happens all the time in the world- without actually changing anything about my daily life. Which makes it tough- I really want to do a great job at this, but I am the one who forgets to pay the rent. How can I fulfill this major responsibility to someone who I haven't even met yet?

I seem to have some extra time until The Call comes. Since I am completely inexperienced, I'm going to spend the intervening time thinking about what kind of aunt this baby needs, what kind of aunt I can be, and figuring out how to do that for him. I'm pretty sure that's what an awesome aunt should do.

Dorky Workouts- In the Comfort of my Home!

With all this (intermittent) free time on my hands this semester, I got to thinking I should get more fit. This didn't come out of no-where, Matt has dropped some 20 lbs riding his bike, and the day he bought a heart monitor was the day I realized "recreational exercise" had been toppled by "athletic training." I ought to at LEAST be able to keep up with the recreational parts. But nothing really sticks. I can ride the trainer, but it is so loud I don't ride very hard or else I can't hear the TV. I've got some excersize videos to do at home, but that seems stagnant. The weather has been to crappy to run, and I am not a natural gazelle anyway. So I've been frustrated and bored and unfit, and Matt has been designing interval trainings...

But while I was at work one evening, he walked up to the game store and found a copy of EA Sportsactive. This is a last generation of game that uses sensors you stick on yourself (ie- this is not Kinect) while you perform a variety of activities in your home. And at first I thought it would be kinda lame, but there is a lot of variability built into the game, and then a lot of system to get hooked on. For example, it keeps track of your weekly goals, and awards you trophies for every 100 calories you burn. There isn't special equipment, it's all stuff you could in theory do without the game, but have you ever tried to hold a squat for a minute in your own living room? 20 secs in, and you are thinking- Nevermind, we've got chairs here. There is a video trainer who says encouraging things, and gives you pointers on good form. And it lets you do imaginary boxing, fake soccer drills, and even fake mountain biking (which is really squats and jumping). The sit-ups, though, those are real. Hopefully the bajillion combinations and mid-term goal setting will help me stick with it through the next high stress chapter of my life.

107 days until the defense. I have 30 days left until I need to start writing. Eek.

Closer, Ever Closer

I think the strangest thing, for me, are those moments when I realize that any moment, it could start. Let’s be honest, most of the time we just sort of pass through our lives, making tiny decisions, but mostly just cruising through ruts worn by decisions we’ve made in the past. Not like that’s bad, really, it’s certainly less stressful. But at any moment, it could be Time. Capital T. At any moment Jess could give me a call or yell from upstairs (she’s napping) that it’s time for us to start the next chapter, and all of a sudden it’s Time. Life pops into stark relief and you are torn between trying to get past something so tough and taxing, and at the same time wanting to remember every moment, because this is one of those big ones.

Except for the pain, though. And that really bugs me, actually. I read somewhere that, according to the W.H.O., once you get an epidural, your birth can no longer be considered ‘normal.’ Why? The pain is not productive, it’s just painful. And even more obnoxious, in a way, is how we are forced to talk about it. It can be 'tough' or there can be 'pressure' or some other platitude. It hurts! It's horrible pain! Let's not kid ourselves!

There’s no reason at all to get all excited about how much hurting you have to go through. The pain is a symptom of progress, it is a sign that things are happening, but we are intelligent animals, we don’t need horrible, repeating pain to let us know that something big is going down. Let’s be honest with ourselves: if there was a switch we could throw to turn off labor pains, childbirth would be *better*. It’s frustrating, is all.

Mom Swanson is here, for an undetermined amount of time. We got her a 1-way ticket and, lucky us, Tyler decided not to show up early. We are 1 week away from the official due date, too. Everything still normal, but we are closer and closer at every moment. It’s very exciting, though there’s every chance he’ll just be two weeks late and I’ll run out of excitement-juice.

In more mundane news, we’ve ordered a freezer, which will be nice, because our current one is bursting at the seams. We went to the farmers market and the library today. The market was cool especially because we got to get some basics, and for not too much more than normal. We got some milk (I’m excited to compare), eggs, and some staple produce for only a touch more than it would cost at the supermarket. That’s exciting, to me, the idea that a farmers market could pass from a simple diversion to something really utilitarian and useful.

I also bought myself a book. The bread baker’s apprentice. You should look it up on amazon. It’s for serious bread people. The instructions are very, very explicit and there’s whole chapters dedicated to just explaining the process. I plan to make a loaf or two this weekend, it could be really nice.

King cake party went off without a hitch. I’ll put some pictures up later, Dragon Age 2 came out and I am excited, though if Tyler shows up I may not have any time to play it. We got a second bid for the termites that was 1400 more than our first bid. And my weight is creeping up so I’m trying to cut back on food, again. Which is why I just ate a whole bunch of graham crackers and frosting. Curse you, self-control!

-N

That was the best

It's so awesome to have an old friend come and visit. And you can sit around, and share junk food, and tell ridiculous stories and laugh until your ribs are sore. Although, the soreness might be from overindulging in junk food.

Yeah, my weekend was pretty great.

Damn Bugs

Just in case you haven’t heard, we got bugs. The bad kind. Here’s a primer. You got yer common wet-wood termites. They live underground, they eat wood quickly, and they are relatively easy to treat. Those are the kind you *want* to have. We don’t have those.

We have dry-wood termites. They eat wood slowly, but they are nearly impossible to treat without tenting your house. Tenting your house sucks. It’s expensive, disruptive, and expensive, as well as being expensive. We got the first quote back from some guys we’ve had to call in from out of town, because evidently the bugs we have are *so rare* that no one it town deals with them. Lucky us. Their quote is on the order of $10,000. I’m not happy.

We could rush this and try and get everything cleaned up before Tyler gets here, but it would be a real rush job, and at $10,000, I'm thinking we should get a few more quotes. Further, it's not *likely* that Jessie would go into labor *while* our house was being tented, but do you really want to take that chance?

On the plus side, it looks like the bugs have actually been nesting in our house for about five years, which means that there is some chance that the previous owners actually knew about this before they sold us the house. Oh, wait, I’m sorry, that’s not good news, that’s more bad news.

It’s been a rough few weeks.

-N

Expect a lot of this

A quick check of the "Science" tag suggests that I actually didn't mention the PNAS paper we submitted in the fall. At the time, it seemed like a distraction from my main purpose, which was to submit Mansuscript #1 (a virology story) by the first week of October. Hahaha... Anyway, this was a really good oppurtunity, which is why I tolerated the distraction even though my patience was (is?) being whittled away day by day. One of our collaborators is a really well connected chemist, and a well reputed journal (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences) asked HIM to write a paper about the great things he does leading one of the nation's drug development centers. And being well connected and kind of a bigshot, he managed to "write" the review by sending it to a contractor in his lab, asking her to pool the resources and current data from two labs and put together something.

Dr. Boss kinda dropped this on me in the fall- hey, do we have this data?
Me: Data on the chemicals my undergrad just got? No. We weren't planning on that. Should we?
Dr. Boss: Oh, I thought it would be a nice figure.
Me: Well, I can do it in 2 weeks if I pull out cells today. Do we want that?
Dr. Boss: Yeah, actually, that would be great. I want to put it in a manuscript. The deadline is the end of October.

I will admit to being quite offended that he wanted to put data in a manuscript without ANY idea what the result might be. Some might call that intellectually honest, but I doubt that he considered that this might not work. Anyway, the experiment came together in between teaching and hating the rest of my science, and then the figure got pushed back and forth a dozen times (edit font? save as pdf. edit axis? convert to pdf. improve resolution? convert to pdf....), and then the editor of the journal told us it was too big, and I resized all my data from half a page to less than a quarter, and both my undergrad and I tried to read through this incredibly thick chemistry manuscript that was peppered with phrases I was familiar with. We are 2 of some 20 authors. We are both pretty stoked- it is the best quality paper I have to my name, and it actually wasn't that much work. Dr. Boss is really good at seeking out that kind of opportunity for us- and with luck, my publication record will show it when I graduate.

That paper was accepted for publication today. Bring on the Girl Scout Cookies!

I know I've been really down on the science lately (the last year or two?), and it seems like a lot of these frustrations are becoming quite acute. I'm of the attitude that "A paper in press is with two in preparation," meaning that while we have plans for another 2 manuscripts (#2 - a drug screen and #3- Medicinal Chemistry), these are basically timesuck failures until they get submitted. I am frustrated by every little set back, and feeling a lot of pressure to make fast headway given my time limitations, which doesn't feel like headway until submission. So forgive me if I act like I am at the collapse of the scientific universe because Dr. Boss didn't return my email, and then instantly it's Girl Scout Cookie time because something good came from all that struggle. Hopefully there will be more reasons for cookies than tears as we approach the defense date (117 days), I'll try to keep the monologue here on balance in the meantime.

Manuscript #1 Submitted!

Although this may turn into bad news later, this was a MAJOR goal I set for myself and I FINALLY reached! Party time! Matt and I ate waffles to celebrate. Hooray!

Stay tuned for news on Manuscript #2 (and possibly #3?), and also the fate of #1. Will it be accepted? Rejected with criticism (and possible re-submit)? Rejected with harsh criticism and tears?