As you most likely already know, the sad news out of Dillingham is the loss of Uncle Ted Stevens, former and disgraced US Senator from Alaska. I am feeling much more sad then I expected. But as I told Matt on the phone, I think I just wanted to be mad at him for all his stupid mistakes forever. It would be easier to have him living under the scrutiny of my petty judgment. Now I am feeling dissapointted loss and defensive affection for him.
Two nights ago, I ran into a former student from my lab class at Costco. He is a very level headed guy, who had told me he wanted to get a Masters in Chemical engineering, so he could get a highly paid job so he could support a family without the kinds of worries his parents faced. I really admired his maturity and his plan. But when I saw him last night, he was just bursting with happiness. He told me he hated chemical engineering, he quit the masters program, and was starting a PhD program in structural biology, which he loves! I was disappointed that his plan hadn't worked out, but he seemed so happy with the new challenges of the program, that I'm resolved to be happy for him.
I'm getting really fixated on what to do after I graduate. It is slightly more difficult to imagine a career path that allows me to stay happily married (ie, keep Matt employed and both of us living in the same zip code), and I'm getting cold feet about sending out personal statements to various programs that offer science policy fellowships. I'm starting to wonder if staying in Pittsburgh another year would help- but I am not sure what it would help. My resume? I can't unequivocally say that moving to Pittsburgh was the perfect choice for me and my family, I think I am scared of making choices with such far reaching consequences again.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I am pleased your are working Matt's situation into your equation but I hope you can still perceive that these are not permanent decisions: A DC fellowship, a pittsburgh post-doc, a seattle scramble and job-hunt, any of them are not that terminal. Mom and I yielded to the needs of my training for years and Mom bent her background to fit our circumstances in Alaska. Is it time to let Matt lead? Do you have a bit more training to open the doors you're hoping for and can Matt be patient?? Take some consolation that you can get a lot of re-do's in your lives still. And don't be insulted or frustrated when I say you are still so young, you can make some mistakes and recover just fine
Thanks Dad. We still have plenty of time for maneuvering this next choice, and I still suspect we'll need at least one more major move after that. I know it's not permanent, but the thought of 15 months of a commuter marriage seems like paltry consolation after all the support he has given me through school. I dunno, we are working on it.
At least my generation still have ~3 careers to look forward to.
Post a Comment