Today was my big day! All day I was feeling queasy about actually having to give the talk, which was of course, not until the end of the day. I could hardly focus, hardly slept, hardly ate- it was miserable. I'm not really sure why I felt so physically about this- I've pretty much already made up my mind that I don't need to impress this bunch in terms of my career, and that my data stands on it's own as impressive enough to deal with any curmudgeonly comments. But I was literally trembling before my talk (perhaps a combination low blood sugar and sleep).
I've been going over my talk every day, I know my slides solid. So once I got up there, here it goes- "let me tell you about my exciting research...." 12 minutes in, I'm answering a couple questions (one weird one, 2 fine ones- nothing even close to what I prepared to answer). And... done. My obligation at this meeting is complete. Afterward, one of my committee members rehashed a comment he made at my last meeting, and now I'm in a slightly better mindset to consider it.
And then one of the members of Dr. Rockstar's lab and I went out for Afghani food, and enjoyed some beers by the lake at the union. We even got to hang out with the "Young European Faculty" cool kids. They liked my talk. Dr. Rockstar himself even said my talk was his second favorite of the whole meeting. His real favorite was pretty good, too.
So yeah, you know. I gave a talk at a national meeting. No big deal.
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I remember an old joke/story about a parent brow-beating a child into studying hard for a test. The kid comes home and says "gee, that test was easy, I knew all the answers." It sounds like you incorporated the anxiety and preparation in one nervous bundle but got the same excellent result. We of course are proud, never expected anything else, and are convinced you are God's and our gift to Science. What's new? I am mindful that this is how Poppa made you feel and I wanted to reinforce it for you. I spent yesterday afternoon at a service for a young man of your age whose family is everything we all aspire to, warm, loving, faithful, Christian, but the lost him to suicide out of the clear blue sky. The loss only magnified for me the absolute blessing that my children are for me. Achievements, honors, successes all aside, the decency and happiness you bring to life is our treasure. So understand me when I say Well Done, but its not the most important thing you've accomplished. Go home and hug your husband, snuggle your kitty, text your Mom about nothing in particular. Your life is good.
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