Dr. Lori and the Antiquities

So, having lots of retired time and contemplating things to do around the house, we went to the Seattle Home Show this week. Always seem to find good ideas and sources for projects, a fun thing to do. So Monday we enter the hall and are immediately distracted by the beginning of the "Dr. Lori" show. We had seen her here before and I wanted to watch her whole act.

Dr. Lori is a voluble rotund East Coaster with a PhD in Art history and Antiquities who makes her living as an antiques appraiser. She's a regular on the Discovery channel, has written 30 books on the subject, been on Leno, Conan, every local newsmagazine worth mentioning and has been hired by the Home Show for years to give 2 shows for 2 days giving free appraisals to guests of any number of American antiques, sort of a walk-in Antiques Roadshow. She is loud, funny, unapologetically critical of "pickers" who are trying to buy stuff to sell under the guise of appraising. She thinks we ought to know what is or is not valuable of our possessions. She figures we pay her for a skilled evaluation and we can decide if we want to pursue selling for a fair price. She regularly gives horror stories about people selling treasures at garage sales out of ignorance but she does spend a good bit of time deflating stories of family treasures that really aren't anything special except in the mind of the owner. She is knowledgeable about the widest array of stuff I can imagine, political ephemera, furniture, jewelry, art works of all types. We watched her first show on Monday and had a great time. After we walked the aisles until closing we came home and I persuaded Connie that we should take some "stuff" to Dr. Lori the next day.

So, Tuesday morning, I gather the disassembled family sewing stand that has been passed to our keeping from Nana plus a pair of Tlingit sealskin slippers that were gifted to me by a grateful post-op patient from one of the villages several years ago and went back to see Dr. Lori. If you remember the sewing stand, it is 3 feet tall and has an 18 inch round cabinet with lots of little nooks and hidden chambers inside. Its a dark veneer with some warping  of the lid, several small dings and a lot of imbedded mother-of-pearl scroll work. I've always thought it was sort of quaint but shabby, not having any love for cheap veneered modern furniture that isn't "real wood" and aware of the wounds it has collected over the years. The slippers are real baby sealskin and fur, way too big for me, but something I believe Poppa would wear when he visited us in Juneau. Nice beadwork ravens but clearly modern. My patient made them for me, these were not antiquities.

Dr. Lori has the audience bring up their stuff to her platform with brief forms describing the pieces and one by one she assesses and appraises the items. The sewing stand is down in front, too big for her table. She interrogates each owner for a story, with lots of humor and wisecracking at the foibles of ignorance and delusions that can accompany family items.  I'm not sure I understand her system for how she goes about the order of events but I've gotten the sense she saves her bigger reveals for her last items. And she's not looking at the sewing table for a long time. We notice in the course of her meandering spiel, she leans over the table to take an I-phone picture of the slippers without comment. Eventually they do come up. Connie is "presenting" them because there is one appraisal per person. How did we get them? A gift from a grateful Native patient. What does your husband do? Used to be an Eye Surgeon? Now he lays around the house? You like him laying around the house?  This is your husband? So doctor, why are my arms getting so short?? All rapid fire zingers and laughter abounding. These slippers, you like them? Well they're actually very slippery. Of course they are! They're seal skin! Haven't you seen those beasties sliding around the rocks and things?? Eventually she stops with the one-liners and says, "Beautiful Native made footwear, $800 to $1600". Probably as much or more than Medicare paid me for the surgery at the time.

Finally she comes down to the front to look at the table. "Gordon, do you like this table?" Well, its been in the family for many years and is supposed to go to a grandchild someday. "GORDON, do you LIKE this table??? Well, its seen better days, its got some condition problems, its just a veneered wood..."GORDON, you're looking at a nineteenth century piece with 21st Century eyes. Yes we think of veneered furniture as pretty low brow today but in the 19th Century, this was their very best work! Its gorgeous, its beautiful, its worth an easy $5000!!!" Lots of o-o-o'ing and ah-h'ing and chagrin on my face. And as a topper, the next and last lady presents some natïve dolls that she bought from an old Inuit lady who was trying to pay her electric bill. The one she brought, of many she bought, she paid $50 for. Embroidered features on stuffed seal intestine body parts, real human hair. How much would she take for this doll.  The lady takes a deep breath and says "Maybe I would sell it for $1000". Dr. Lori says "Well that's OK but you'd be leaving $9000 on the table. This is a $10,000  Doll!" We bring down the house.

Afterward, Dr. Lori has me pose with the her and the sewing table for pictures. Maybe they'll go on her FaceBook page or her many websites. I just know I'm in her library of finds off the street. And now I have to think about promoting the sewing table to a more prominent place in the household. And upping my insurance coverage as well....