Where is this headed?

Among the fun filled delights this weekend, I both "hosted" a bridal shower for a friend (I brought the paper plates and encouraged the gals that did the real work), and saw Dr. Rockstar in concert. Since this is the polar opposite to the rest of my week (People! Stimulation! Fun!), I think I was a bit more in-tuned to my place in it. Example, I realized fairly abruptly that I am not on target to be in a band at any level of success, even though this wasn't an opportunity I remember giving up on. I believe it is called Opportunity Cost, I'll get back to this. I also remember when Matt and I were going to get married, and that seemed like it was just going to seal-the -deal on a lifetime of happiness. Don't get me wrong- I am so happy with the "married to Matt" part of my life, but since coming to grad school, that part has been much less central to my identity then I thought it would be when I was 23.

And now I am at this exciting/terrifying jump point, I am about to finish school, and I can opt to stay the course- find another training opportunity, learn something new as a postdoc- or leap from the Ivory Tower to.... something else? It makes me wonder where I am headed, and also how wrong I might be about that. Either way, the only way to get to where I want to go, is start going there- if I want to be a middle aged rocker, I better start rockin', and if I want to be living closer to my family, I shouldn't look for jobs in town. I should instead stick to my guns, and look for my dream job/lifestyle. If I want to try at all, I should shun the academic style and pursue something in industry or government- something really different.

But maybe I have a fatalistic work ethic. I don't think I can be happy unless I find some meaningful and productive work, but I will insist on taking it much to seriously and personally so that I can be just as miserable in other fields as I am currently. That might just be my dissertation talking. Everyone can find something they don't like about their job, and it is likely not something they might have predicted at the outset, right? But really, what if I am leaving the best job I'll ever have? There are plenty of things I REALLY like about my current job, and I am confident I could get another job like it. And in this economy, the job you can get is worth 100 you can dream of.

Maybe I am being old fashioned, but it seems like the jobs you used to have shape the jobs you can get next; at this point, I am on track to be a virologist. Should I be trying to jump the track to go into policy, or should I just accept that I am a trained virologist? In principle, my NEXT career change can take me to policy, but the longer I stay on this track, the more I am a virologist. Opportunity cost, right?

But let's face it, all this is a lot of panic and not a lot of job hunting. I like to imagine if I weren't so paralyzed with indecision, I might spend more time finding, nay, targeting great jobs and getting good job offers. So far, my many paltry efforts have only given me belated rejection, and not sense of improvement- which is not helping the paralysis.

Moral of the story- if you know anyone who needs a scientist, send them my way.